Our Little Family

Snow Day!!

2010-12-02T21:27:00.005-07:00

We got quite a bit of snow here the other day and Luke got the day off of school. The boys had a blast playing in the snow while we shoveled the driveway and built a snowman. The pictures are taken with my cell phone, so they are not the best.

Fall 2010

2010-10-18T09:22:00.004-06:00

9 Years!!!

2010-09-22T14:45:00.002-06:00

Nine years ago today we said our "i do's" I could have never imagined where the past 9 years have taken us....Lots of great memories and some hard times too. I am so thankful for the man that the Lord gave me to walk by my side and for the family he as given us.

It's A Jungle In Here!

2010-09-15T13:09:00.009-06:00

Here are some pictures from Drew's 2nd b-day. He had a combined party with his buddy Zathan. There b-days are only 4 days apart!!

Happy 2nd Birthday Drew!!!

2010-09-11T22:55:00.002-06:00

Happy 2nd Birthday to my sweet little Drew.

Yesterday was Drew's b-day and we did a little thing for him at the house. Today was his double b-day party with his buddy Zathan who b-day is only a few days after Drew's. They had a great party today. I will post more pics of the party soon!!

This morning...

2010-09-06T08:17:00.002-06:00

This morning I woke up to Drew yelling in his crib. He hasn't been sleep as good the past few night and when he wakes up he yells until I come in and put his blanket back on him. Last night he woke up twice, so this morning around 7:30am when he woke up I found part of me annoyed wishing he would of slept in a little. As I got him up with sat in the recliner and snuggled under some blankets for awhile. My mind starting thinking back to this morning 3 years ago. Waking up to a quiet house and the realization of what had happen the day before and that it wasn't just a bad dream. I will never forget that morning. So this morning to wake up hearing Drew crying I am truly thankful. This morning I have peace and I have a beautiful little family.

3rd Birthday

2010-09-05T21:51:00.002-06:00

Happy 3rd Birthday Lily Ann.

It has been one more year without you, yet one year closer to seeing you again. Love you baby girl and still missing you.

3 years ago tonight...

2010-09-04T21:27:00.002-06:00

Three years ago tonight:

-I was waiting on a little angel to come.

-I was going for a walk with my mom.

-I was talking on the phone with a excited friend anticipating news of a new little one.

- I was sitting on the couch with my mom and Luke feeling her move for the last time that I can remember.

Three years ago tonight:

-My heart didn't know any tragedy.

-I went to bed with a whole heart, not knowing that the next day it would be broke in two.

1st born in 1st grade

2010-08-18T13:23:00.005-06:00

All ready for 1st grade.
Dropping him off for his 1st day.

Meeting his teacher the night before

Standing below his name and the wall of all his classmates

Luke's school

So I dropped Luke off for his 1st day of 1st grade today. He was so excited and has been counting down the days for awhile now. We had fun getting ready for school this year. We went shopping and got him some new clothes and shoes for school. We got all his needed school supplies. Last night we went to the school for the "meet and greet." He got to met his teacher and see his classroom and also check out the class list of who is in his class this year. He found a couple of familiar names from kids that were in his Kindergarten class, so he was excited about that. We checked out the classroom and he even has his own desk this year!!!! Very cool!!! We got up early this morning and got him ready for his first day. I packed him his lunch and put a little note inside for good luck on his first day and off he went. He will be home in about 2 hours now and i am excited to hear how his first day was. Although i did already get a call from the school double checking that I was picking Luke up. They said they asked him and he didn't know how he was getting home. Even though we went over it several time and I showed him where I would pick him up....first day jitters I guess. I am sure by the end of the week he will have it all down.

With Luke starting 1st grade it has brought on many thoughts and emotions for me that I was totally NOT expecting. As the first day got closer i started thinking about the new schedule that was going to be starting and it made me realize how much time he was going to be away from me. Each school day is 7hrs long..that's 35 hours a week. I have never usually been away from him for more than a few hours at a time. Pre-school and Kindergarten were only half day..so needless to say this is quite a change for me and him. I am sure he is handling it just fine, but me not so much. I keep thinking where did the past 6 years go...what happen to my little boy. I look at Drew and it seem just like yesterday that Luke was that age. I think back to when we was Drew's age and it was just me and Luke together all day everyday. He is my first born and those first few years are so special and I am thankful that I was able to be a stay at home mom with him and make all those wonderful memories. Cause that is something I will never get back. I can't explain it, but my heart just feels sad today that he is growing up so fast. You don't get that time back when they are little and from here on out he will spend a majority of his awake time somewhere else. I am thankful for the summers though, and is it crazy to say that I can't wait for next summer already...lol.

I know this is all an adjustment time for him and probably mostly me, and I will get used to it soon, but I miss my little boy. But it is not about quantity of time, but quality time right? I am sure I will really enjoy and look forward to the hours that we do get to spend together. It will also be nice for Drew to have the "one on one" time with me. The first born children get alot of that, so it will be good for Drew to have the extra attention too. It is just hard letting go and watching your child move on to a new chapter in their life and it kinda feels like in too short amount of time he will be all grown up and out on his own. I know that is years down the road, but at one time so was going to school. I just pray that I can soak in all the time with my boys and provide a wonderful childhood for them.

Me and my little man.

Remembering days that were just yesterday.

He has given me so much joy in the past 6 years!

I love you Luke!

Picnic at the Lake

2010-08-08T22:42:00.005-06:00

Happy boys having some lunch!
Perfect day for a picnic

Hungry boys!!!

Throwing rocks..

Testing the water.

Luke loves the water!

Drew and Joe taking a break up in the shade!

We love being able to drive just 5 minutes to get to this lake. It is fun if we just want to go for a drive, or hang out for a little bit, or go have a picnic!!

Swim Lessons

2010-07-29T22:42:00.003-06:00

Back floats!
Kickboards!!

My mom was here for a few days during Luke's lessons.

Hey I can float!

His lesson was from 9am-9:30am every morning..so ya he does look like he just woke up...lol

So Luke in swim lessons again this summer. This is his second summer doing it. Last summer he was in Level 1 and did well, but we put him in Level 1 again this summer as a refresher course. We are not in the water a whole lot, so it takes him a lot time to get warmed up to being in the water. He loves the water, but just not the whole putting his face in it part...lol. He has improved so much this summer and I am very proud of him. He has gone from...the first three days of not going under at all-to going under water over 20 times in one lesson (he counted...lol) Tomorrow is his last day of the 2 week session. He is excited cause they get to have a play day. I entered him into the next session that starts on Monday and he will be doing Level 1 again. Now that he is not afraid to go under water he will be able to learn more of the basics better and hopefully next summer he will be ready for Level 2 and not need to repeat Level 1 again.

One Year

2010-07-27T14:27:00.005-06:00

Well one year ago this morning we left the place we called home for 5 years. It is hard to believe that a year has passed already. I am not going to lie, it was an emotional time for me. We were leaving behind 5 years of memories and people that we had grown to love. We had lot of good memories and also some really hard times. We had major life changing event happen in our life while we lived there. One with the passing of Lily and then a year later with the birth of Drew. Luke had spent most of his life growning up there...he learned to walk, talk and so much more in this place. It was a good home for us for those 5 years.

As we left that morning and said goodbye to Colorado I was excited and a little sad at the same time. I was looking forward to the new start in our lives and putting some of the hard times behind us. It has been quite a year for us and I could never have imagined some of the things that have come about since we have been here. We were blessed with a great job for Joe, and a beautiful home for our boys to grown up in. We have made some great friends and continue to get to know people here.

One thing that i never saw coming is the idea of my mom and her husband moving here. They started talking about it months ago and now it seem like it will be happening before the end of the year. I have not lived by my mom for 6 years. It will be so nice to have them here for us and the boys. Funny how one thing leads to another.

Although it was a little hard for me to leave behind our life in Colorado and move on from all that we went through there, I can say the past year has been great for me and our whole family and I couldn't be more thankful!

4th of July 2010

2010-07-06T22:27:00.004-06:00

Here are a few pictures from our fun filled 4th of July weekend!

Spring time

2010-04-18T21:30:00.005-06:00

Well this week it has finally felt like Spring. We had beautiful weather all week and all weekend. So we have been spending a lot of time outside and the boys have been loving it.

We have been doing quite a bit of yard work, trying to fix up the yard and do some landscaping. The house we bought was a foreclosure and sat empty for a year. The bank watered and mowed the grass/weeds. So we at least had something to work with. But Joe has done a lot of weed killing and some fertilizing and in about a week we will be putting down some new seed in the places that need filled in. We are also working on planting some trees in the yard. We are probably the only house on the block that doesn't have ANY trees. We bought one for the front yard this weekend (see pic above with Luke) and we will be getting some sort of nice shade tree for the back yard. We also got some bushes and grass plants to put in the front landscape. We are pretty excited about dressing it up and making it our own.

The boys have been loving the yard, front and back. The backyard has been awesome. I can let the boys out there and not worry to much about anything happening to them. The sliding glass door is right off of the kitchen so I can always see them really well and keep an eye on them when I am not out there with them. They have been playing with chalk alot and just running around in the grass. They have also had fun out in the front of the house a little too. Luke has been riding his bike quite a bit and playing the neighbor kids across the street.

We went for a nice walk tonight while Luke road his bike, and it was really peaceful. I also walked to Luke's school this past week for the first time to pick him up. I am hoping we have some more nice days to do that before it gets to hot. It is a good little walk probably about 15 minutes there and 15 back. I enjoy it, but I am sure Luke will get tired of it if I do it everyday. Need to figure out a system to bring his bike with me so he can ride it home.

Well our first Spring in Idaho has been great so far, seeing all trees and flowers in bloom and working on our own place.

BedSiDe

2010-03-30T09:53:00.005-06:00

Just wanted to share a picture of the newest addition to our bedroom decor. I purchased the beside tables from a lady on craigslist. They are old antique tables that she refurbished in a chocolate brown with a distressed green around the edges. In the center is a neat floral pattern deco phage paper that matched my bedroom colors almost perfect. I shopped around for lamps and decided on these imitation crystal lamps from Target. They have the look of crystal at less than half the price. The lamps are topped off with a white drum lamp shade. It is definitely a unique look and pretty feminine (in Joe's opinion..lol) But we have a pretty masculine living room...so I am allowed one "girly" room.

Silly Boys

2010-03-20T13:50:00.001-06:00

Shabby Chic

2010-03-12T17:16:00.004-07:00

So I am absolutely in love with the "Shabby Chic" look. Every time I see a distressed piece of furniture or antique looking decor, I just love it. I love the bright whites and the soft colors that go along with it. It has a fresh, yet rustic look to it. Here are a few pics that I really like. If I ever have another little girl I am definitely doing a shabby chic bedroom!!!

An afternoon at the park

2010-03-04T14:30:00.006-07:00

Best Bro's

Luke climbing.

Drew crawling.

One of Luke's classmates was at the park too!!

Luke jumping!!!

My boyz and me.

He is such a cutie!!

Well we have had a few sunny warm days here lately and it has been great. It is really making me look forward to spring!! We took advantage of one of the warm days and went to the park. We have a really nice park that is just down the block from our house!! I love it!! So we got Luke's bike out for the first time this year and headed down to the park. It was a lot of fun.

It took Drew a little while to get warmed up to the idea of what to do, but he got the hang of it and was going down the slide all by himself. He would climb up the stairs over and over to go down the slide. He tried out the baby swing and after a few pushes wanted out. (Luke was the same way at that age, and still not a big swing fan) The boys went on the teter totter together and that was cute. Of course I had to hold Drew, but they both thought it was pretty fun.

Luke has sure gotten more adventurious. I am sure that comes from going to school everyday and playing with other kids. He was climbing on top of things and jumping off of them. I was pretty surprised. One thing I remember and liked from when he was a little younger was how cautious he was on a playground. He would never do anything he was afraid of or that might not be safe. Seem like he is a lot more brave now, but at the same time I still see that he is careful. I am actually pretty proud that he is putting himself out there a little more. He used to be the kid of kind that stood and watched others cause he was too chicken to do something..like going on Slip N Slide. And maybe after like 30 minutes he would try it out. He is really growing up and becoming a confident little man.

It was a nice day and I am sure there will be many more to come!!!

Luke 6th B-day

2010-01-08T13:28:00.003-07:00

Here are some pictures from Luke's 6th B-day party. We had a little get together at the Carl's Jr. play area. He had a few friends from church and also a few kids from school come. It was a lot of fun for the kids. We did a Spongebob theme this year and it was fun getting it all put together. My mom made it out for his b-day again this year and stayed with us for a week. We really enjoyed that. Hard to believe that he is 6 years old.....

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T14:41:00.004-07:00

Merry Christmas...from our family to yours.
Hope everyone's holiday is filled with great memories made together with friends and family. Remember the true reason for the season!!!

Favorite Photo Friday

2009-12-18T16:41:00.002-07:00

Ok, so even if I don't get to posting that much I guess you can always count on a photo friday..lol.
Here is Luke and the "little" snowman we built. The snow was pretty powdery..we had to build a big mountain and then kinda sculpt it. There is not much left of him today, after a lot of rain and some warmer temperatures. We are hoping to get some more snow just in time for Christmas!!!

Favorite Photo Friday

2009-12-11T10:23:00.006-07:00

Just one of the many pictures of Luke and Drew together. Amazing how much they have both changed since May 09 when this photo was take.

I was looking back at some of my old post from the years past and saw that me and a few of my bloggers gals used to do "favorite photo friday" I thought I might start doing it again, cause it was kinda fun!! If anyone else want to join in that would be great!! I love looking at everyones pictures!!!

First Snow

2009-12-08T10:38:00.001-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

2009-11-24T22:10:00.002-07:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a wonderful thanksgiving this year. We are headed out of town for the weekend to spend the holiday with my family. I am really looking forward to it. I have not spent Thanksgiving with my family in over 5 years. I have so much to be thankful for this year and my heart overflows with joy when I think of all that the Lord has blessed us with.

Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday!!!

Tales from the pantry..

2009-11-10T08:36:00.003-07:00

So in our new house we have this great big pantry and I LOVE it!!! It give me so much storage for food and lot of other things too. But I am not the only one who loves the pantry, the boys really love it too!!! They know there are lots of goodies in there, even Drew has learned this. So here are two little tales from the pantry.

So Drew is really getting smart and understanding little bits of what we say to him. I will ask him if he is hungry and if he wants some "bites" then he will make his way over to the pantry stopping only to look back to see if I am following him. He stands there waiting for me and knocks on the door. I pick him up and put him in his highchair and go to the pantry to get a snack for him. You never know what he will be in the mood for. One day something is his favorite thing and the next day he will not even take a bite. So I look in the pantry and take something out and show it to him. He shakes his head no, I try something else and he shakes his no again. I keep looking and keep showing until I get a happy face and him reaching his hand out for the snack he wants. He is quite demanding of his food, but it is also very cute. It is the start of him learning to communicate with us.

Now on to Luke's story from the pantry...

So we keep the goodies like fruit snacks, granola bars and other things like that up high in the pantry. Just to not make them not as easy to reach for Luke. He never really gets in there without asking first and then we get him a snack. Plus he still has trouble figuring out how to open the packaging. So one night I am laying in bed about to doze of when I hear a noise in the kitchen. I open my eyes and think, ummm...what was that. Of course I have to go check it out. If anyone knows me I do not play off sounds at night. I have a bad imagination and I always have to check it out to let my mind have some peace. So I head out to the kitchen and see the pantry door wide open. Then I look to the hallway and see Luke coming around the corner with little yellow chair. He sees me and freezes right in his tracks. I ask him what he is doing, and of course he say, Uhhh nothing. I tell him to put his chair way and get back into bed. I go into his room and ask him again what he was doing. He said he was hungry and was wanting to get a snack. I was pretty surprised to find him up at night by himself. He usually never leaves his bed even if he does wake up. If he wants something he always just yells for me. I think he is getting a little braver...lol. I guess I should just be happy he was thoughtful enough to get a chair and that he didn't just climb the shelves.

Well hope you enjoyed enjoyed the tales...just some funny things to remember a few years from now.

Fall Family Pictures

2009-10-28T13:38:00.003-06:00

Pumpkin Patch

2009-10-23T09:52:00.005-06:00

Here are some pictures from our trip to the pumpkin patch the other day..I took some of my favorites and edited them. The boys had a blast and it was a really nice evening!!

Getting settled in...

2009-10-14T08:46:00.006-06:00

Saying good-night to Luke in his new room

Here are a bunch of pictures of us working on the new place before we moved in...Guess the pictures are actually in reverse order. I am never good at uploading pictures in the right order on here. We had a lot of work to do before we moved in. We painted, clean, and shampooed the carpets. Doesn't sound like much of a to-do list, but it took longer than expected. I wasn't able to help as much as I thought mostly because Drew wanted to be held almost every minute of the day...lol. And we all came down with some kind of stomach virus and were down for a few days. But we are finally starting to feel settled in and are LOVING our new home. We still have some on going projects and unpacking, but we are enjoying it and looking forward to our first winter and the holidays in our first place!!!

First dinner in the new place...we ate ALOT of fast food that week..lol

Luke out front

The sky the night we moved in.

Moving in the furniture!!!

The boys staying busy playing.

Luke helping paint his room!!! He was super excited!!!

The first night of painting.

Drew helping...

Thanks for all your help Amy!!!

More pictures to come, once the house is all put together!!

Fun Birthday Picture

2009-09-11T12:07:00.002-06:00

Happy 1st Birthday Drew!!!

2009-09-10T22:15:00.008-06:00

Here is the first picture taken of Drew right after he was born. Still one of my favorite photos even though it was taken with my cell phone camera. He was definitely born with those chubby checks and still has them today!!

Singing happy birthday to him...he was pretty excited. We couldn't put the cupcake on his high chair because he kept trying to grab it.

What a little cutie...he loved the frosting!!!

He was really into it!!!

Ok...I am done.

The past year with Drew has been so full of joy and wonderful memories!!! I have enjoyed watching him grow and develop to where he is now. I have loved watching his eyes light up when he sees his big brother. We have been so blessed and I am thankful for the family that the Lord has given us!!!

It is hard to believe that it has been a year since the wonderful miracle of his birth. I still remember all that we were going through at the time of his birth. We found out the day before he was born that he had turned completely breech. We were devastated and all the memories of Lily's birth came rushing back and I thought I might lose him too. I remember going to bed that night praying that God would allow him to turn and I felt so completely helpless and just tried to lay it all down at the Lord's feet. He surely was merciful and he turned Drew back to the right position over night. He allowed me to have a speedy labor and a beautiful baby boy. I don't ever remember being so thankful for anything when I heard Drew cry....
Thank you Lord for your amazing love and compassion and healing for our family!!!

We did just a small little thing for Drew tonight, and his real party will be on Sunday with some or our close friends. I am looking forward to it!! Also wanted to report that Drew has started taking some steps and will probably be walking in no time. Well it was a wonderful first year of Drew's life and I look forward to what the next year has to hold..

Remembering my Angel on her 2nd Birthday

2009-09-06T08:14:00.003-06:00

The Broken Chain

We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you. You did not go alone.
For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide.
And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same.

But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

This is one of my favorite poems that I have found since Lily's passing and I woke up thinking about it yesterday on her birthday. It brought me a lot of comfort. It is hard to believe it has been two years and I sometimes still wonder what our lives would be like if she was here now. But then I look at our lives now and it is hard to picture it any other way. I am thankful for how far the Lord has brought us through this and all his blessing on us through this trail. He has surely been good to us. I still miss my little girl, but as the poem says "the chain will link again"!!!

Under Contract!!!

2009-08-27T21:45:00.006-06:00

So we are under contract on OUR FIRST PLACE here in Idaho. We are SO EXCITED!!! It is hard to believe that it is really happening. Joe and I will be married 8 years next month and it is something we have always looked forward too. The day we could have our own home. I am so thrilled and humbled to have the blessing of a nice home to raise the boys in and a nice little yard for them to grow up in. It warms my heart just thinking about the memories that are to be made in the future!!! I feel so unworthy and so thankful for this opportunity to own our own home. We are thanking the Lord for working everything out for us thus far. Part of me is still nervous that something is going to come up to make it fall through..but Lord know and I am trying to leave it all with him. Thanks to everyone too who has helped us along in this process...couldn't have done it without you!!!

Dining room and kitchen...boy's rooms off to the left.

Bonus room above the garage....What neat extra room to have!! We have lots of ideas for this room!!

View of the living room from the dining room.

Luke checking out the kitchen.

Luke's room with a neat window seat.

Big hallway closet...there is one on the other side of the hallway next to the other bedroom...Lots of storage!!!

Drew's room

Boy's bathtub

Boy's bathroom

Laundry room

Hallway and stairs to bonus room. Master is the door to the left, and laundry room and garage is the door to the right.

Nice open floor plan. (The master, bonus room, laundry and garage are off to the right.)

So just wanted to share pictures with everyone...just remember us in your prayers that everything goes smoothly and we get through closing, which is set for September 28 the day before my 28th b-day :-)

First Day of Kindergarten!!

2009-08-25T11:48:00.004-06:00

So Luke had his first day of Kindergarten this morning...He was so excited about it last night that he could hardly settle down for bed.

Here he is out in front of the school. It is the oldest school in the district, but I think it is a pretty neat looking building.

Here he is eating breakfast...all his favorite stuff. French toast and chocolate milk. They provide free breakfast to all the students. I thought that was pretty cool!

Playing in the classroom. They didn't do much today. It was just orientation for the parents and students. Think we were only there for about an hour.

Luke wanted to stay longer and play...he will have plenty of time for that. Hopefully he realizes it is a little different than pre-school. Not as much play time and more learning time...lol.

Standing out in front of his classroom. Room number 3.

Tomorrow the real thing starts. We just found out that a boy in his class lives right across the street from us. He was pretty excited to have a new friend close by and a buddy to ride the bus with. Too bad we might only be living in this place a few months before we buy a house and change schools. But it will be nice in the meantime.

Showing off my pearly whites!!!

2009-08-24T22:02:00.002-06:00

Well it took awhile, but he finally has some teeth!!! 4 of them so far. He has had them for a little while now, but have just now been able to get a picture of them. I think he looks pretty cute and it looks like he will have a space between his two front teeth. Just like his big brother.

Checking out the new senery!!!

2009-08-18T12:41:00.004-06:00

Well we have been in Nampa, ID for almost a month now. We are pretty much totally unpacked besides the few boxes that we are waiting to unpack until we (Lord-willing) buy a house. I am feeling pretty comfortable getting my way around town and learning the area. Sunday afternoon we took a drive to Lake Lowell. It is just outside of Nampa and only about a 10 minute drive. Here are a few pics...it was a beautiful day. (pics are from my cell phone, so they are not the best pics in the world)

Walking along the lake..

Luke looking for rocks to throw in the water.

Pausing for a minute to give me a smile!!

Drew checking out the water!!

My boyz...

Walking to the shore.

Pictures of a lot of "Firsts"

2009-08-05T12:59:00.003-06:00

Boys first bath in the new place..(after ALOT of bathroom scrubbing)

Well we made it to Idaho. It has been a busy week and a half since we have been here, but we are starting to feel settled in. Here are a few pics of us in the new apartment. I will post some more when I get some pictures of the rooms all put together.

First family dinner

Drew's first morning.

Luke's first morning.

Big Changes....

2009-07-24T10:11:00.003-06:00

Well if you can't tell by the pictures...we are moving. And moving soon....this weekend. Some of you already know this news but other might not, so thought I better get on here and post something before we actually make the move...lol. We are moving to Nampa, ID. Joe has been up there for almost 2 weeks now working and the boys and I have been home hanging out and packing!!!
Joe's work has been terribly slow this year in construction and it has been pretty trying. Joe has been wanting to be able to get out of construction and maybe start a career in something else that is more steady. We have been praying about it for a while and praying about possible making a change. Then Joe got offered a great job in ID and he was so thankful for the opporunity!!! He went up to ID and started working and looking for a place. He found a nice duplex to rent for a few months and then we are hoping to buy a house...Lord-willing. Joe sent me picures of the new place and it looks really cute and it has 3 bedrooms!!! I am so excited to have an extra bedroom. Not really extra, but one more room then we have here..lol. We were going to be in CO till the end of the month, but the landlord said we could move in a week early and I am ready to not be staying by myself anymore!!! So the big move is this weekend!!
So to all you bloggers in CO, so sorry if I didn't get to say goodbye in person, and all you bloggers in ID....we will be seeing you soon!!!!

Hanging at the pool

2009-07-16T09:50:00.003-06:00

My good friend Heidi and I. She came to visit me from WA for a week!!!

Snack time for Drew

and Luke (Mom and Dad if you see this post..doesn't this picture remind you of Matt when he was little)

Water gun....

Luke and his noodle.

Drew and his floatie.

What a beautiful day...we had a blast!!!

10 months old

2009-07-14T10:08:00.005-06:00

So Drew is now 10 months old...He is doing great and is starting to be a busy little boy....He is crawling and pulling up on everything and I am sure over the next couple of month he will be walking...YIKES!!!

Luke and Drew are now officially roommates....Sleeping arrangements have been changing the past few weeks. Some night they sleep in the room together, some night Drew ends up back in our room, and some night we move Luke onto the floor in our room to help Drew sleep better...lol.
The boys love hanging out and playing in the room together...Drew is always crawling down the hallway to check out what Luke is doing and steal his toys. So far Luke like all the attention from Drew and has been sharing his toys well. We'll see how long that last...lol.
Well that is my short update on the boys...

He crawls....

2009-06-29T23:04:00.003-06:00

This isn't from today, but was the only pic I could find of him in a close to crawling position...lol. Plus it is just too cute. I got his first crawl on video and am going to try to get it uploaded and posted on here.

So Drew offically started crawling today. He has been trying so hard now for weeks and was just going backwards and he was getting so frustrated. I kept saying...any day now he is going to get it!!! Well he got it today!! He is still learning and moving at a slow crawl, but I have a feeling it is going to get really crazy soon.

Luke's swimming lessons

2009-06-09T13:18:00.005-06:00

Pictures are in random order from over the last 2 weeks

Circle time before the lessons start

Jumping in the water.

Front floats..

Big kicks!!!!

Waiting in line for the lesson to start.

Back float in the deep end!!

Joe and Drew, just watching.

Getting ready to go in the water!!

Luke is in swimming lessons for the first time. This is his 2nd week of it and has been really enjoying it and progressing. He is in level one and I am hoping to put him in level 2 after this session. All the sessions are already filled up for the summer, but we are #1 on the waiting list..so hopefully he will get in. Here are a few pics...He also started T-ball last week and I will get some pics up of that once I take some..lol.

Just a boy thing????

2009-05-26T22:05:00.003-06:00

So have a question for you moms with boys. How long did it take your boys to stop going tinkle during the night? Luke is 5 1/2 now and still has to wear a pull up at night. He will go in spurts of not going at night. Sometime for up to two weeks, but then he starts again. We have tried differnet things like no drinks after dinner, going a bunch of time before bed, and I used to even wake him up at night to go. I only did this when I was prego with Drew cause I was up every night to potty and thought he might as well too. Sometimes that worked, but other times he would still go after I woke up him.
He has been potty trained during the day since he was like 2 1/2 and I haven't really given a lot of thought to the night time thing until like the last year or so. I figured he would just grow out of it and eventually get it. I still kinda feel this way, but then sometimes I start to wonder. He is a pretty hard sleeper and doesn't wake up to much. I don't think he will actually wake up to go. I think he will just have to learn to wait till morning. I heard somewhere that there is a hormone in our body that allows us to create less urine at night and until you have enough of that hormone it make it difficult to not go at night. Has anyone else heard that? I have also heard that it take boys longer than girls. Anyone have any tips or advice? I am not super concerned, but would be nice to be able to stop buying pull-ups.

Great yard sale find....

2009-05-22T22:45:00.006-06:00

So I got this Evenflo car seat for Drew today at a yard sale for $15. He won't be using it for a few months. He is still using his rear facing infant seat, but I know the next few months are going to go by fast and I will need one. I have been searching on craigslist and also pricing new ones. I was surprised at how much they were. We used a hand-me-down one last time for Luke. They are just as much or more as the price we paid for Drew's infant travel system with the stroller. So, my friend Janaun called me today from a yard sale saying she found a car seat I might like. I drove over there and checked it out. They were asking $20, but I got it for $15. Great deal...I took it home and cleaned it up and it looks almost brand new. I love yard sales!!!

Luke's Soccer Season

2009-05-22T12:51:00.004-06:00

So we put Luke into soccer this year. It was co-ed for 5 and 6 year olds. It was his first experience with organized sports. It was a blast. It was pretty mellow and laid back in their age group. Which was nice. Just trying to get them used to the sport and learn the basics. They had practice two days a week and games on Saturday. They did really good. I think they only lost like one or two games, they won a few, and tied a few. Luke made one goal and really enjoyed playing goalie too. He did great and was fun to watch. He did get sick one week and missed out on a few practices and two games. Here are a few of the fun pictures we took from his games and practices!!! He is getting ready to start T-ball and also swimming lessons in a few weeks. I am loving this stage with Luke and watching him get involved in activies...it is really fun!

8 months old

2009-05-12T22:25:00.004-06:00

Well my handsome little guy is now 8 months old. Here is the latest about him...
He is weighing in at 19 lbs 4 oz and is about 28 1/4in long. He is quite the chubby boy still and I just love it. He has tried almost every fruit and veggie baby food and LOVES all of it. When we first started him on baby food he just gobbled it down...but due to constipation problems I had to really cut down on how much I give him. Poor guy....
~
He is sitting up great and hardly even falls over anymore. He is learning to lean side to side and forward and balancing himself with his arms. He is also kinda a rocker.....he gets pretty excited sometimes and rocks back and forward. He is still perfectly content just sitting and hanging out in one spot. (which is fine by me) Don't think we will be seeing any crawling anytime in the next few week. I think Luke was over 9 months old when he first started crawling. But have been trying to give him more tummy time in case he decides to try to scoot around. I try to bring his knees and legs up to a crawling position and show him how to rock back and forward..but he just laughs cause he thinks I am tickling his legs..hehe.
~
Over the past few months Drew really went through some separation anxiety and stranger anxiety. He is getting a lot better now, but if he is getting tired or hungry and I start to walk away from him or even turn my back on him he will lose it. It is really sweet actually. He loves his mommy.
~
One great new accomplishment is he can now wave bye-bye. Of course not every time but if you catch him at the right time you might get lucky. He is getting quite the personality and I am seeing his first signs of throwing a fit. When he is laying on his back and gets mad he will lift his legs all the way up together and then bang them back down..it is pretty funny. But can make changing a diaper difficult sometimes...lol.
~
Drew has been taking a lot better naps during the day and we have been trying to get them to mostly be naps in the crib. We have also been working on trying to teach him to fall asleep on his own. Laying him down VERY drowsy and letting him cry till he falls asleep. It works pretty good unless he is VERY overtired or not tired enough. Have to catch him at the right time. He will usually only cry for like 5 min and then nod off. I can usually tell right away if it is not going to work. The cry sounds different...more than just a whine and after 10 mins I know he is not going to fall asleep.
~
Well feels like summer is almost here now. The weather is getting hot and we have been spending a lot of time outdoors enjoying it. Luke only has two days of school left and then it is summer break. He is already registered for kindergarten and I know he is going to miss going to pre-school. I am looking forward to not having such busy mornings and just hanging out around the house with the boys!!!
*Forgot to add...still no teeth yet for this boy...just waiting for one to pop through any day now!

Happy Late Mothers Day!!

2009-05-12T11:51:00.004-06:00

Happy Mothers Day Everyone!!!
Sorry it is a little late. We had a nice and relaxing Mothers Day weekend!!

Swine Flu.....

2009-04-29T10:49:00.002-06:00

So is anyone else paranoid about this swine flu thing? I know I am. I am kinda a nervous nelly and and germaphobic. I really hope that it doesn't get too bad. I know there have been no reported cases yet in Colorado and I hope it stays that way. My main concern is that even healthy people seem to have trouble fighting it off...let alone how it would affects kid and babies. Just praying for a hedge to protect us all.....

Drew 6 months old

2009-03-20T17:11:00.002-06:00

Drew is now 6 months old..well and about a week. Been meaning to get this post up for awhile. But things have been a little crazy around here. The boy have been sick and seems like it just keeps going around in circles. Luke has had several colds and Drew came down with a cough awhile ago, but it never got too bad and went away pretty quick. The last cold Luke got was a pretty bad one and now Drew has it. Poor guy has had a few hard days and nights. Luke is almost better and hopefully Drew will be soon too.
He know weighs 18lbs 2oz and is around 28 inches long. He also started rice cereal just a few days before he turned 6 months. He really likes it so far. He Has it once in the morning and once in the evening. Probably going to him on his 1st foods baby food in a few weeks.

First bath together....

2009-02-28T08:38:00.004-07:00

Well the boys took their (first of many) baths together. And Drew's first bath in the big tub. It was a lot of fun. Luke wasn't wanting to take a bath that day so I said "Want Drew to take a bath with you?" That was his motivation. And he wasn't very happy when I took Drew out after a few minutes. Drew thought it was pretty cool. I helped in splash in the water a little with his hand. When Drew gets a little bigger I am sure it will be even more fun for both the boys.

His Sweet Smile...

2009-02-26T21:48:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to share a few of my most recent favorite pictures of Drew. Love waking up to this sweet smile every morning!!!!

Updated my blog!!!

2009-02-24T08:14:00.003-07:00

Just wanted to see what everyone thought of my newly updated blog. It was time for a change and I also upgraded to the new blogger. So now everyone who has me on their blog roller can see when I update my blog!!! I hope it works...Anyone let me know if I am still not showing up as "updated" on their blog roll. You might have to remove me and then put me back on there now that I am updated.

Daddy with the boys

2009-02-11T10:25:00.003-07:00

Joe and Drew

Joe and Luke

What do you think pretty similar uh? I have to say though that Joe looks quite a bit younger in the picture with Luke...hehe.

*Read the post below if you are confused by this post....hehe.

The past 5 months with Drew

2009-02-11T09:36:00.008-07:00

Drew Alan

5 months old

17lbs 26 1/2 in

Wow...can't believe it has been five months already. In another month he will be half a year old. Here are some of my favorite thing with Drew from the last five months.

- I love how happy of a baby he is. It doesn't take much to get him to smile. I love peeking over his crib in the morning to see him looking up at me with a big huge smile. (Or even in the middle of the night for a feeding)

- He is such a ticklish baby...getting him dressed or even changing his diaper can sometimes start a giggling session, and of course play time is full of lots of smiles and laughs.

-I love kissing his big soft cheeks, and stroking his soft, fine hair while he is nursing.

-He is kinda a shy guy. When I am holding him and someone he doesn't recognize tries to talk to him he buries his head in my chest. Or in a big crowd when a lot of attention is on him his little bottom lip starts to pucker out.

-I love how even when he is mad or hungry or tired he still wants to be happy. If I smile at him or try to tickle him you will get a few smiles or a laugh among the crying...so funny.

- I love how just before he falls asleep he makes this sweet groaning noise until his eyes finally shut.

Drew and Daddy. I have a picture like this with Joe holding Luke that looks almost identical. Will have to try to post them together to compare it.
Drew is starting to sit up with support from us and also from his boppy. He is liking seeing the world from an upright position and playing with his toys this way too.

His sleeping has improved since the last time I posted. Especially since I got this new sleeper called a "Woombie" It is a zip up sleeper with no arms. It is designed to feel like the mothers womb. It is great because it works for babies who like to be swaddled and babies who don't, because it lets them move their arms and legs around in the sack, but not too much to where they startle themselves awake. Drew used to like having his arms stretched out when he slept, but as he got bigger and more active he would wake himself up more at night. Plus it is great for night feedings in bed. His little arms are safe and secure inside the sack. There was a few times before the Woombie I would be feeding him and Joe would roll over on his out stretched arm. And it is great for reducing the risk of SIDS. No blankets to worry about covering his head. Can you tell I like this product...hehe. They have different sizes too. Newborn up to 20lbs and 30in long.
Here is a fun picture of Luke and Drew. I have loved watching them interact over the last 5 months. Luke loves his little brother and even though at times he is a little rough with him his intentions are good. He is usually sweet and nurturing. He talks and sings to him when he is upset and loves to try and make him smile and laugh. I can already see a bond between the two of them. Drew loves his big brother too. As soon as he sees Luke his face lights up. I hope they grow up to be close and be there for each other.

Drew 4 months old!!

2009-01-17T20:04:00.004-07:00

So here is a picture of Drew looking like a big boy at 4 months 4 days. His first time in a highchair. Not eating anything yet, but just testing it out. So here is a little update on how Drew is doing. He is such a happy happy baby. It doesn't take much to make his face light up with big smile or to hear him laugh. I am really enjoying that. He is growing like crazy and getting stronger. He has now pretty much doubled his birth wieght. I weighed him about a week ago and it was 16lbs 1oz. He is holding his head up good and rolled over for the first time a few days after he turned 3 months. But hasn't done it since then..hehe. Guess he has a little more control now. He like to sit up and look at everything around him as you can tell in the picture. Here is the update on his sleeping situation.....not so good anymore. I am not enjoying the 5 to 8 hours of sleep I had been getting for the last few months. He has gone from that..... to sleeping 1 to 2 hours at a time at night sometimes a little longer. Major bummer....what happen to my great little sleeper :-( I am blaming it on starting to teeth, gas, learning new things, one or all of the above. Oh well...thats life with a baby right? Hehe. Other than the change in sleeping habits he is doing great and lots and lots of fun. Thankful for such a peaceful and happy baby to spend my days with!!!

Luke's 5th Birthday!!!

2009-01-04T19:45:00.003-07:00

Christmas 2008

2009-01-04T19:42:00.001-07:00

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas!!!!

2008-12-24T20:19:00.003-07:00

Here is Luke next to the snowman (women) they built together today. I say (women) also because it kinda looks like it is wearing a dress. The snow was really powdery so they just managed to push it all into a pile and then Joe using a spray bottle with water made the head. It turned out pretty cute and Luke had a blast playing in the snow!!!

Wishing everyone a wonderful Christmas!!! Hope it's a day full of peace and joy surrounded by loved ones!!!!

Growing too fast...

2008-12-15T20:03:00.003-07:00

Well Drew is officially out of his bassinet. Here are a few pictures of him taking his last nap in it. Was kinda sad taking down the bassinet and putting it away. The last 3 months have gone by so fast.

But it is pretty exciting that he has his new crib and I just love it. We got it from Wal Mart.com and I think it is super cute. We used a hand me down crib for Luke, so it is nice to have something new and that we picked out to fit our taste.
He is still sleeping our room though. Don't think I am ready to let him be room mates with his big brother yet. I like having him close.

Here he is enjoying his new crib and sleeping soundly. I was looking back at Luke's pictures and I didn't have any of him sleeping in his crib until he was like one year old. I was wondering why and then I remembered he hardly ever slept in his crib...he was not a good sleeper. So thankful that "so far" Drew is a great sleeper!!!!

An Early Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-08T10:11:00.003-07:00

Here is the picture we are using for our christmas cards this year!!! Just wanted to share!!

2 Months

2008-11-10T09:33:00.002-07:00

So, Drew is 2 months old today and doing GREAT!!! As you can see he is really smiling now. He is a happy baby and start to make lots of fun noises. He is sleeping great at night (hope I am not jinxing myself by saying that...hehe.) Luke is still loving being a big brother and he is really sweet to him and talks to him when he is crying and tries to calm him down. It is really cute. All is well here, just enjoying our little family and looking forward to the holidays!!!

Halloween 2008

2008-11-05T07:55:00.003-07:00

Here are a few pictures from Halloween 2008. We did our 3rd year of trick-or-treating with my good friend Janaun and her kids. It was was her son Jonathan and Drew's first Halloween!!!

Luke, my big blue M&M

Drew just hanging out!!!

Walking around the down town businesses

Luke and Autumn

My red and blue M&M's

Luke sitting by the door waiting for all the trick-or-treaters to come.

It was a fun day. The weather was great. We went to a costume contest in the morning and got to see all the neat costumes. Then we trick-or-treated at the local down town businesses. When we got home, later that afternoon I took Luke and Drew to a few of our neighbors houses. Then Luke stood guard by the door all night watching for all the kids to come and give them candy.

Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-20T15:48:00.004-06:00

Hokie Pokie

2008-10-07T09:04:00.006-06:00

Check out this video: Luke singing

Here is Luke singing the Hokie Pokie. I think it is pretty funny. He is learning so many fun songs at preschool. I find myself walking around the house singing them. They are quite catchy songs.

Ignore my husband in the background...he is playing his video game...hehe.

*make sure you turn off the music on my playlist first (all the way at the bottom of the page).

Well can't get video to work on my blog, but if you click on the link about the video that say "luke singing" you should be able to see it.

7 years!!!

2008-09-25T07:42:00.002-06:00

Well, Joe and I celebrated our 7th anniversary on the 22nd. It was a really nice day and this year we really felt like we had something to celebrate. We actually got to go out for dinner and a movie while my mom watched both Luke and Drew. I pumped a bottle in case Drew got hungry and it gave us a few hours out of the house. It was a little strange to be away from both of them, but also nice to spend some time together. We had a nice dinner and then went to a movie (which was not a good movie at all) But it was still a nice night out, and both the boys did well with Grandma at home.

Pics of Drew & Lily's headstone

2008-09-24T07:44:00.003-06:00

He loves to sleep with his arms above his head...it is so sweet!!
Luke enjoying being a big brother!!!
Drew-6 days old

Well hadn't got a chance to put up a picture of Lily's headstone yet. Was going to get on here and write a little something on her birthday, but just didn't feel up to it.

The last year has been a roller coaster of all different emotions, and with the birth of Drew it is all bitter sweet. We are so thankful for him and enjoying every moment with him, but my heart still breaks and yearns for Lily. Especially now realizing all that I missed out on with her. Her birthday was a hard day...thinking about all the what if's and could have beens and also reliving that day one year ago.

Drew is already 2 weeks old today..I can't believe it. It has been flying by, and makes me sad. With Luke I was always looking forward to the next stage in his life, seeing him do the next big thing. But now I want to soak in each day and realize that they are only this little for such a short time. I guess after you have had one already and you see how fast they have grown you realize that it goes by way to fast. He is changing alot and it has been fun to see the differences in personality with Luke and Drew as babies. Even though as much as I think they look alike at times and there is a lot of stuff that reminds me of Luke as a baby..they are so different too.

My mom has been here now for almost a month and she is leaving in a week. It is going to be hard to see her leave. I love having her here and so does Luke of course. She has been such a great help. We have a good routine down and I guess I will have to adjust to a new one after she leaves. But she might be back in November for a few days and then in December for Luke's birthday, so that will be nice. Especially since she no longer has email so I won't be able to send her updated picture of Drew and I am not so good about printing them out and sending them by snail mail :-)

Well hope everyone is doing well...hope to post again soon!!!

Drew Alan

2008-09-12T13:26:00.004-06:00

DREW ALAN

September 10, 2008

3:48pm

8lbs 3oz, 20in

We are so thankful to have our little blessing finally here.

Last post till baby.....probably.

2008-08-28T07:44:00.006-06:00

So thought I would get one last post in before baby comes. I am not due for two weeks but since I only post about once a month I doubt I will post again before the baby gets here.

So lots going on here lately. One major thing is Luke has started pre-school. He went one day last week and then had a full week this week. Monday-Thursday. He goes in the morning from 7:45 till 11:30. That seems early for pre-school uh? I don't even think elementary and other schools start till like 8:30. Anyways...no more sleeping in for me, which I guess I need to get used to since you never get to sleep in with a new baby in the house.

So Luke is really liking school so far. It has been quite an adjustment...probably more for me though. I went with him the first day and watched and helped out in the classroom. Was nice to see what they are going to be doing everyday. This week they started the normal routine and Luke has been riding the bus every morning. They have a few bus stop locations around town and one of them happens to be a half a block from my front door. It is super convenient. It will be really nice when the baby comes...alot easier than driving him to school and walking him to his classroom to sign him in. Anyways...wasn't sure how he would do going off on his own for the first time without mommy and going on the big school bus. A new venture for both of us. He did great though and he loves the bus. It was a little weird for me the first day, especially walking back home and having the whole morning to myself. I didn't cry, but it was kinda sad. It is really the first time I have been away from Luke besides the occasional nights out here and there. The house felt pretty lonely. Also made me think of Lily and what it would be like around here right now if she was here. Having a little (almost) one year old running around. Would have been some good quality time for us. But I am excited that I will have that with the new baby.

So, Luke has officially started the new journey and stage of his life into schooling. It is sad to think that never will he be home with me again all day and just hanging out and spending time together. He will be going to school now until he graduates and leaves the house. That is so weird to think about. Thank goodness for it only being a half day right now and for summers too.

First morning of school
Walking up to his classroom
Playtime
Lunchtime
2nd day of school
waiting for the bus
Getting on the bus...he did so good!!!!

So here is a new pic of me at 37 weeks. I am will be 38 weeks tomorrow so only 2 more weeks to go. I am at the point now where it is so close yet so far away. I am definitely more anxious this time around to get it over with. I know I have two weeks left, but something tells me I might not make it that far. But I could be totally wrong. I usually go over a few days. I just know that I have been way more tired this round and I guess I am just hoping it is soon.

My mom is on her way here!!!! She is driving from Washington and will be here tonight!!! I am so excited. After she gets here I will be officially ready to have this baby. Besides not looking forward to labor, but that is a given. Lord-willing I will have a fast labor. So remember me in your prayers...I am definitely feeling the fear double this time and feeling like such a wimp when think about labor pains....yuck.

Guess I should post too about the other new addition to our family....This is Pebble. Our little dwarf hamster. We got him a few weeks ago, cause Joe decided that Luke needed a pet. He is cute and a lot of fun to watch run around his cage. But you have to stay up late or get up early if you want to see him in action. He pretty much only comes out at night.

Well hope all is well with everyone in the blogging world.

My New CAR!!!!!, Company, Quilt, More Company, And Prego Pic

2008-07-21T09:05:00.004-06:00

Well things have been pretty busy around here, but am going to catch up on all that has been going on. It has been nice staying so busy, the last month or so has really flown by.

Joe and I have lived in Colorado now for just about 4 years. It will be 4 years in September. And the whole time we have lived here we have just had one vehicle. So I have pretty much been without a car for 4 years. Joe did have a few jobs where he would carpool so I did have his truck once in awhile. Well I am excited to say I finally have a car of my own. We have worked really hard this year to pay off some debt and lower our overhead in order to afford to get me a car. It is so nice. I think we got a really good deal on a really good car. I really prayed that the Lord would provide us a good car that we could afford. It was definitely needful with the new baby coming and Luke getting older. I want to start getting him into some activities and hopefully put him in pre-school this fall.

So here it is, a picture of my new car!!!!!
Also this month my good friend Heidi came out to visit me from Washington. It was so great to see her. She was here for about 5 day. W mainly just hung out around the house and talked and went for walks every night.
The weekend she was here we took her to Telluride, which is about an hour from our house. It is kinda a little tourist town. It was a beautiful day with beautiful scenery.
A sweet picture of Joe and Luke
Telluride, CO
Thought I would share this too, a picture of a quilt I made for a friend of mine who just had a little girl. I think it turned out really good. It was a lot of fun making it.

So at the beginning of the month we also had more company. Our friends Rob and Cherisse and there little girl Jenna came out to Colorado for a wedding, so we got to see them. The last time we saw them was when Luke was 4 months old. It was great to see them again and spend a few hours with them.
Rob, Cherisse, and Jenna

Well here is a 30 week prego pic of me. I am actually 32 weeks now!!!! Only 8 weeks to go!!! Guess I should have Joe take another pic. I am feeling pretty good. I am feeling big and starting to get uncomfortable. Strangers always ask me "Oh when are you due?" I say September and they give me this look with wide eyes and say "OH really" I just smile and say yup, but inside I am thinking "thanks alot, do I really look that big?" Oh well I guess I am just to that point where I am going to be big from here on out.

My mom will be here in about 6 weeks, so I can't wait for that and then will only have to wait 2 more weeks for baby. So just starting to get things ready around the house and try to enjoy the rest of the summer!!!

Things I've been wanting to post about...

2008-05-26T16:43:00.003-06:00

So have been wanting to post again for awhile and finally am. This is definitely a multi-subject post..hehe.

Here are a few pics of the flowers that Joe got me for mother's day. I know it was over two weeks ago, but still wanted to post some pics. They are beautiful white lilies. I just love them. They smell soooo good, and they last a long time. I actually still have three flowers on my kitchen table right now.
Here are a few pics of Luke's room. We just got him a new bed. He was still in his toddler bed and barely fit. I really wanted him to have more play space in his room. It was pretty crowded cause he had his bed and then we had a futon for company. We really wanted to get a trundle bed so we could have a twin bed for Luke and then when we have company we can pull out the trundle and pop it up to make a king size bed. I looked for months for a trundle bed. They are very expensive new, so I was checking local classified ads and Craig's list for a used one. I finally found one and it was just what we were looking for and a great deal. It came with the day bed, trundle and the two mattresses all for $100.00. I was very excited and we found it at the perfect time, the same weekend we had a yard sale and sold the futon to make room for the new bed. Luke was really excited too. He loves his new bed and has adjusted well. He hasn't even fell off once yet. He has so much more space in his room with just the day bed and a few toy boxes. One side of his room is completely empty for play space. And we have already used the trundle a couple of time for company!!!
Here is the bed with the trundle under it.
Can you tell he likes it?
I like to hang out in his room alot now too and just lounge around on his bed.
Ok, so finally here is a prego picture of me. I am 24 weeks and 3 days. I am feeling good, but starting to feel big already. Only 3 1/2 months to go!!!
Here are some picture from the cemetery in Pateros. It was sad being so far away and not being able to go visit Lily over the last 9 months and on the holidays like mother's day and memorial day. But we have lots of family that has gone up to see her and bring her flowers so that has been nice.
Flowers from Joe's parents and sister. They are very pretty.
Here is her temporary headstone. My mom made it and I think it looks really sweet. We have the new one on order and I can't wait to get it put in, in a few weeks. I will post another picture when we do.
Well I guess that is all for now.

Sis. Vickie

2008-04-30T10:33:00.002-06:00

What a wonderful women. She was a great wife, mother, grandmother and friend. She will be greatly missed. Our love and prayers go out to the family. May the Lord be their comfort and strength through this time.

Easter, Company, and more....

2008-04-08T09:59:00.003-06:00

So thought I would take the time to post again, since I am on here everyday reading, but never writing. I know it is a little late for Easter, but oh well. Here are some picture from Easter. Luke and I colored eggs the night before and then the next day we went to church and then went to Jim and Leanna's to let the kids hunt eggs. It was a pretty nice day...sunny but a little cool.

Luke and his Easter gift...Play Doh and chalk in the shape of eggs and of course some candy in there some where.
Ready for the hunt

Miles, Jesse, & Luke
So last week we had the last minute surprise of company for a night. Joe's cousin Jessica and her husband were on there way to Oklahoma and called us on there way through to stay a night with us. It was a great surprise. Wish we would of had more time with them, but thats ok. Here are a few pics of the kids together.
Trinity and Luke (She is so sweet)
They had a lot of fun together!!!!
Ok, so the picture below is of my GREAT new ebay purchase....it is a fetal heart doppler. I just got it last week and it works great. You can start to hear your little one's heartbeat at 10-12 weeks. I am now almost 18 weeks and can hear it great. It is so fun. I had one of those little cheap ones from Wal Mart when I was pregnant with Lily, but you couldn't use it till the last trimester and even then it was hard to find. I think I might of heard her heartbeat with it once...maybe. So this one is awesome. It is such a neat feeling to hear your little one's heart beating and makes it more real for me that there is a little person growing inside of me. It was a great purchase and for $62 plus shipping it was well worth the money!!!

So I am really excited to be only 2 weeks away from the half way mark. It has actually went by pretty fast, especially the first three months when nobody knew, since telling the last month has been a little slower, but thats ok. I have been feeling pretty good, not really having any sickness anymore, but still pretty tired a lot. I have started to feel twinges of little movement every now and then, which has been great. I can't wait untill it is consistent and stronger. I am feeling rather large this time around and I refuse to put up or even take a picture of myself untill I feel like my bump I have is actually the baby and not just my body letting loose.

I am so looking forward to summer and some warmer weather, can't wait to get out of the house and go yard saleing, BBQing, (which we have been doing a little) taking Luke to the pool, and going for our evening walks. Also really wanting to get a little bike with training wheels for Luke and teach him to ride. He was really excited at first about it, but for some reason now he says he is scared to ride a bike. I am sure once he tries it out and gets the hang of it he will love it.

Well hopefully I will post again soon and it won't be another month and a half and if it is oh well....hehe.

~6 Months~

2008-03-05T12:45:00.003-07:00

Thinking of you today and still missing you.

Love you,

Mommy

Posting again.....

2008-02-28T09:34:00.002-07:00

Well things have been pretty busy here latetly. Joe's cousin and his wife just moved here from Oklahoma and we have been spending a lot of time with them getting them moved in and helping them feel at home here.

Then last weekend we had company. Our friends Travis and Amy came down from Idaho to stay with us. There was a wedding for a young couple here and also was the grand opening for our new church building. It was pretty neat. For those of you who don't know the assembly here has been meeting in this tiny little grange building for at least 10 years in the hopes of getting a bigger building. The grange was so little, but we had a lot of good meeting in there. The one thing I didn't like though was everytime I had to take Luke out I had to walk up front passed the pulpit (sp?) Always felt like a big distraction. So we had the grand opening and it was packed. It was pretty neat. We had a really nice weekend and spent time with good friends and had a lot of good visits.

Well I have really felt like I have had nothing to post about lately, but that is not true. I did have something to post about, but just couldn't tell what it was untill now.....I am expecting again!!!! I am 12 weeks today. Joe and I are pretty excited. I can say it has helped a lot in our grieving. Has given us a renewed sense of hope and something to look forward too. Rather than just thinking about the past. Not that we will ever forget what happen or forget our sweet Lily. Without Lily and losing her this new little one would never exsist. I am thankful that the Lord allowed it to happen so quickly and at all. I know he knows our needs and whats best for us. I know I surely don't deserve anything but am thankful that he allows us blessings. There is a little sense of fear this time around and wanting to everything to be ok, but so far it hasn't been that bad. Right now I just feel like everything is out of my hands and I have no control over what is taking place in my body. It is actually a comfort, even though I tend to be a control freak....hehe. But with this issue I think God has better control then me :-)

So physically I have been pretty sick off and on. Worse than I was with Luke but not quite as bad as I was with Lily. Mostly I have just been exhausted. I am really getting tired of having no energy, but with the start of my second trimester in a week or so I am starting to feel better. It is always soooo nice to have the first trimester over with. So anyways just wanted to share the exciting new with everyone.

Christmas 2007

2008-01-03T18:15:00.001-07:00

Luke's 4th Birthday

2008-01-03T17:28:00.001-07:00

Lately...

2008-01-02T11:03:00.000-07:00

Well life has been pretty busy here lately. A lot going on so haven't had much time or energy to write. The last two weeks held a lot of activities. First on Dec. 20th my sister-in-law had a sweet little baby girl. Then came Christmas, then my mom came out for a few days and also to be here for Lukes 4th b-day which was on the 29th.

So many things have been on my mind lately. We had a nice quiet (well except for Luke ripping into his packages) Christmas at home. It was a little sureal thinking of how Christmas could have been had Lily of been here. We lit a candle in memory and let it burn all morning long as we did our normal Christmas morning routine. My thoughts kept wondering back to last Christmas and the excitement of the day in finding out I was pregnant with Lily. I thought our family was going to be growing. Here it is a year later, everything is the same yet everything is soooo different.

Mom came out to be with us for a few days and it was really great to see her again. We stayed up many nights talking, crying and trying to find hope for the future. Luke was so happy to have her here for his b-day. It is the first b-day of his that she has gone too. We moved away right before his 1st b-day. So it was pretty special for her to be here.

I just can't believe Luke is 4 years old. It is just crazy. He is getting so big and smart. I am so proud of him yet it also makes me sad to see him growing so fast. If I could go back to that day he was born and try to image where we would have been 4 years from then. I never would have dreamed that this would be our life now. Sometimes my heart aches for Luke too knowing that he will never know his little sister. As he gets older I know he will begin to understand more and I know it will bring him sorrow. I feel so bad that he will never had a sibling to grow up with that was pretty close in age. Luke and Lily would have been about 3 1/2 years apart. Now there will be such a big age gap.

I was looking forward to 2007 being over, but as the new year rang in, my heart filled with heaviness. I thought back on the year and all that we went through. It was filled with great joy and anticipation most of the year and then ended with emptiness and sorrow. When I think about the year 2007 it will be remembered as the year we lost our little daughter and it should have been just a memory of the year she was born. Some days I just feel overwhelmed with my grief. I think about the future and even ten years down the road and where I will be. Of course I don't really know, who knows where I will be even a year from now. But anyways I wonder will it be any easier. I think I will still wake up every morning and go to bed every night knowing that my daughter is gone. And that ten years from now, I could of had a ten year old daughter and it feels like it will still hurt just as bad as today does. I don't really know though. I hope that I can come to peace with all that has happen. I want to have a good life ahead of me and not change as a person because of what has happen. I need to let go of what has happen and accept it and yet hold on to the memory of her. It is hard to find that balance. And once you get to that point doesn't mean you will stay there. It seems like I have been there before and then I go back and have to start all over. It is a daily battle. With the Lord's help I can overcome.

3 Months Today

2007-12-04T17:38:00.001-07:00

It is early morning here. Just saw Joe off to work and thought I would get on here for a little bit. I have really been dreading today. It is exactly three months since we lost Lily and even the same day of the week, Wednesday. Three months since I held her in my arms, since I looked at her little face, and held her little hand. I can't believe she would be three months old right now. Seems like it is such a milestone for babies and maybe that is why it is so upsetting for me. We got out some home video's of Luke the other day and watched his first 5 months of life. I really wanted to see what he looked like at 3 months and see all the things we was doing. It is hard to remember. Just wanted to know what kind of things Lily would be doing right now. When Luke was exactly 3 months old he rolled over for the very first time all on his own while I had him on video. It was so sweet, and I was sooo excited. I am sure Lily would be doing this already too, since she was so much bigger than him. I just can't even imagine it.

It kinda just feels like things are piling up on me this month. Lily would be three months old. I got pregnant in December, so soon I will be thinking "at this time last year I was pregnant." Then Christmas is coming. I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I know that it is a happy time for everyone else, but my heart still just feels so empty.

I sit here this day wanting to write down what I am feeling, but it is hard. I am filled with so many different emotions it is exhausting. I still can't believe that my little girl is gone. I am still going through all the stages that come with grief. Shock, numbness, anger, overwhelming sadness. Some days it is hard to deal with. Some days I am fill with hope for the future and I feel strength that we can get through this. Then other days I say to myself "I can't do this" But then I realize I have NO choice I have to deal with this.

I wish it was different as many times as I want. I can cry and cry as hard as I want. My heart can hurt and break in two, but it is not going to change anything. Sometimes it feels like it should change it, it should bring her back to me. I have not been crying as much lately. Which I know sounds like a good thing, but to me it is frustrating. I am not really hurting any less, but some days the tears just won't come even when I really want them too. I feel like I just really need a good cry, release some emotions. I don't know why it is so hard. Maybe it is because I have cried so much, or maybe because I know that when I am done crying I am still going to be faced with the same things of getting through each day without her.

Lily,
My special little one. I waited so long for you, not just nine months but a life time. I always wanted you, my little Lily. I miss you so much today. You would be getting so big and I wish I could look into your eyes and listen to you coo and feel that wonderful connection with you. I think of when you were still inside of me and all your little and big movements. I think of how content you where and how I loved to feel you move. It is the only memory of life I have of you. I remember you every day, your chubby little cheeks and your soft little hands. Your head full of fine hair and short little eyelashes. You are loved so deeply. I miss you my little angel.

Mommy

I wish there was more I could say, more I could do. But it all still leads to the same thing that I am missing my daughter. Going to go back and curl up in bed and maybe get a little more sleep before Luke wakes up.

Lily Ornament

2007-12-04T17:38:00.000-07:00

Front
Back

The Broken Chain

2007-11-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

Just found this poem and it is soooo fitting and perfect. Wanted to share it.

The Broken Chain

We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you. You did not go alone.
For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide.
And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

I can't wait till that day the chain will link again

Angel Wing

2007-11-27T10:24:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to share this picture. I took it the other day out my front window. It think it looks like a big angel wing. Not really sure if you can see it very good in the picture. It was much neater in person.

Sick Today :-(

2007-11-26T12:18:00.000-07:00

Our Christmas tree
Luke helping decorate...
This was the first year he really got into it and wanted to help.
He thought it was pretty fun.
One of the angel ornaments we bought for Lily...it says
"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy."

The other angel ornament with the year on it...we are also getting a personalized one with her name and b-day on it.

~

So I woke up with a sore throat this morning...yuck. Am feeling very tired and lazy today. Hope it won't last too long, and hope that Joe and Luke don't get it. It has been really cold here lately. A week ago today it was almost 75 degrees and today it is like 40. We got our first real snow the day after thanksgiving. We got like 2-3 inches and it has slowly been melting, but there is still some on the ground.

Our thanksgiving was pretty good, as good as it gets I guess considering the circumstances. We went up to Joe's parents house. I was definitely missing Lily. Could totally picture what it would have been like if she was there. I pictured Joe sitting in the living room with his dad holding Lily and watching sports. Me in the kitchen helping with the dinner. Then we would all gather around the table to eat and I would probably just be holding Lily on my lap. Then as it seem like it always happens she would probably be hungry just as we sit down to eat, and I would go in the other room and nurse her :-) Which may seem like a pain as I remember sometimes with Luke, but now I think I just wish I could be doing that. Then I thought about how she would have been wearing some cute little outfit and we would be passing her around to everyone to hold and everyone would be like "awww she is just so cute" (what little baby isn't cute) Then I think about how she would be getting tired and I would probably be rocking her to sleep as we watched some football game and how she would just be asleep on my chest. The picture in my mind....warm house, good food, and lots of family. Which we still had all of that, but there was still this void in my heart. I thought of how we would be taking a family picture of all FOUR of us. It would probably be one that we would send out in Christmas cards. Instead we didn't take any pictures. I didn't even bring my camera. Is wasn't a totally miserable day. I enjoyed the people I was around, but my heart just ached for Lily to be there too. I only cried like once while we were there in the bathroom. I held it in all day and then when we got home I let it all out.

The weekend was pretty nice. It was nice to have Joe home for a few extra days. We did the usual stuff that we do every year. We set up our tree the day after thanksgiving and did a little Christmas shopping. Trying to keep things as normal as possible for Luke and for us too. We lite 4 candles one for the each of us as we set up the tree. Just wanted her to be included somehow. We also bought a few angle ornaments in memory of Lily and put them on the tree. They look really pretty.

It is weird how time and life just goes on. It is hard, but it is also a good thing. I have made it past another hard event...thanksgiving. I know there are many more to come and it is just nice to put them behind me and move on the the next one, hoping that each one will get a little easier.

~Thanksgiving~

2007-11-21T18:42:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone has a very nice thankgiving!!! Love to all,

Joe, Beth & Luke

~

2007-11-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

I am having a hard time lately dealing with the fact that I never really got to know Lily, and that I never will. I know that I have heard it is probably easier to have a stillborn then to lose a baby that you had for a little while. And I don't really know, and I hope I never have to find out. My heart has just been really sad concerning the thought that I never got to see her as she would have been, and look into her eyes and hear her little heartbeat and hear her make little noises. It is hard to even believe that I was ever pregnant with her. Sometimes it just doesn't feel real. It is such an amazing process anyways. The process of pregnancy to this little person. I remember with Luke even after I had him I looked at him and couldn't believe he grew inside of me, from nothing into this perfect little baby. It is such a hard concept to understand. So it is even harder when you are left with nothing but a picture and trying to remember what it was like when she was still growing inside of me. Was it real? I know it was, but it is hard to comprehend. I can't even explain it. It just feel like she should be here. I see all these other mothers with there little babies and can't believe I almost had that. I was supposed to have a baby too. It sometimes just doesn't feel real still. Yet the pain in my heart is so so real.
~
It is like this: A kid getting a present for christmas. Long before christmas they start thinking about christmas and the presents they are going to get. It is so exciting. They know what they want and have been asking for it for awhile. Soon the present is under the tree. They look at it every day. They don't know exactly what it is, but know that it is something good. Something they have really wanted. The pick it up, feel how heavy it is. Shake it to try and figure out what it is. They think of the day they will get to open it and see it for the first time, and all the time they will spend playing with it. They tell there friends about it and the excitement builds. Then finally the day is here. They wake up christmas morning and get to open there present that have long waited to do. What is it? What is it? They open it and love it. It is exactly what they wanted. They get to open it, see it and even touch it. But then it is taken away from them. And they never get to see it or touch it again. It is gone forever. What a heartbreak. Everything you hoped and wished for you had, but only for a moment and then it was gone. It is just really hard to believe.
~
Was just thinking this tonight, and wanted to write it down. I miss Lily so so much. The only peace I have is knowing that she is in heaven and is at peace, but the pain of losing her is sometimes almost more than I think I can bare. Even though I know that it is not. God has given me strength and I hope and pray he continues too. I want to have a good mind. I know that we can get through this. The Lord has blessed me so much in life and has really given me peace in moments when I really needed, but the hurt in my heart is still there.

That morning...

2007-11-16T10:23:00.001-07:00

So I woke up the morning of September the 5th 2007 to my water breaking. I was like ok this is it. I felt a rush of excitement in knowing I would meet my new baby today. I banged on the wall were my mom was sleeping in the next room. We both got up and started to get around to see how things were going to progress. I walk over to our front window and opened up the curtains. There was a beautiful little half rainbow in the sky. I showed it to my mom. I thought to myself this is going to be a beautiful day. I was so excited and ready for the labour ahead. I knew it would be all worth it to see and hold my little one for the first time and to even find out if it was a boy or my first little girl. I think back at how the day started and how the day ended. I never thought it would end that way. I thought it was going to be a great day and it ended up being the worst day of my life. But at the same times I can't say that seeing my little daughter Lily and holding her in my arms was the worst day of my life, but knowing that I would never hold her again or watch her grow up was the worst. So it was one of the best days of my life, while at the same time the worst.
-
I feel like I am trapped in time. I can't go back, but I can't move forward. I am suck in the moment, in the day that I lost her. The days keeping going by and I still wake up every morning remembering that she is gone and remembering that day. How did it go wrong? How did a day that started out so beautiful turn out so ugle. It makes me so sad to know that we never really got to know each other. We never got to look into each other eyes. We saw her, but she never saw us....never saw her mommy or daddy or big brother. It is hard to explain that you never got to know your own child. What would she have been like, I wish I could have seen life in her eyes and heard her. I wish I had some memories of her I could hold on to.
-
I look at her picture and say to myself "this is my daughter." And sometimes it doesn't feel real. It is so hard to comprehend. She was so beautiful and perfect. She had ten fingers and ten toes. Everything she needed to survive here on this earth, but she just didn't quite make it here. My heart continues to ache for her. I wonder how long it will last. How long will I be trapped in time trapped in my grief. When will I stop counting the days, weeks, months, and years of how old she would have been today.

Lazy Day

2007-11-11T21:58:00.002-07:00

What kind of face is this?

So it is a little after 10:30 here, and we are all just getting around. It is kinda nice to sleep in sometimes and have a relaxing morning. Joe got up a litte before me, and I woke up to hearing him in the living room playing the guitar. It was very peaceful. So I got up, got some coffee and got on the computer to check out some blogs and other stuff. Then Luke got up and joined me at the computer. Joe has the day off today since it is Vetrans Day. It will be nice to have him home an extra day!!! Not really sure what our plan is for the day yet, probably just hang out and spent some time together. Hopefully it will be a nice day.

*Just a note: Tonight is my sis-in-law Jewely's baby shower. I am going to try to go to it. Please remember me that I can make it through it without getting to upset. I don't want to ruin her shower, and I want to show her that I am happy for her and support her. But I know it is going to be pretty hard for me.

Burdens Are Lifted Away.

2007-11-11T21:58:00.001-07:00

So today has been a good day. Which has been a nice change. The last few days since my mom left have been really hard. I have spent late nights up thinking and crying and talking with Joe. Today has been a relief and gives me some peace of mind and hope. It seems like we have been dealing with so much lately with the loss of Lily. I have been stressed and grieving over more than just her death. And it has been really hard on me. So today it seems like God really had mercy on me and lifted that burned off my shoulder. Went to church today and everything that was talked on was what Joe and I talked about the night before and the things that I have been struggling with. I was amazed at the words that were being spoken and the comfort I was able to receive. So thankful that the Lord is aware of us and loves us so much to hear and anwser our prayers. I still missed Lily greatly today and cried when thinking about her not being with me today. But seeing how God delivered me out of this other burden and gave me peace in my heart concering it, I know he can do the same with my hurting heart for Lily.

Have been making some collages of some of my favorite pictures. The background of this picture is Lily's gravesite.
She was so beautiful and perfect.

Hopes & Fears

2007-11-09T13:57:00.000-07:00

So my mom and her husband have been here all week and just left today. It was so nice to have my mom here. I wish we where closer and could spend more time together. Luke really likes her being here too. We really got spoiled when she came out before I had Lily, cause she was here for a month. She is now heading to Arizona for the winter to take care of my Grandpa. We are planning on trying to make it out there for Thanksgiving. It is only a 12 hour drive, which may seem like a lot, but is a lot closer than the 20 hour drive to Washington. So Lord-willing we will make it out there. It was hard to say good-bye today. I really enjoyed our time together just hanging out and talking as much as we wanted. It was really nice.

Grandma and Luke
Eating at subway before they left. (Luke was trying to make his mad face here :-)

Saying good-bye. Luke was not very excited about that. Poor little guy.

~

So since Lily's passing my mind never stops. Sometimes it is soo overwhelming. I think about the past and what has happen, I think about the present and how I am going to get through this, I think about the future and when it will start to get easier and what my life will be like then.

My Hopes & Fears

Hopes (and goals)

I hope I will grow as a person and become stronger from this.

I hope that my faith will be increase and will draw me closer to the Lord.

I hope I can get through it.

I hope it will make me a better mother.

I hope it will make me a better wife.

I hope I will be able to help other people if someone else ever has to go through this.

I hope I will not take this life for granted.

I hope that I will not get upset over the small things in life.

I hope that if I have children again, I will cherish every moment with them.

I hope I have more children.

I hope I can be a good example to those I am around.

I hope that I can find happiness and peace again.

I hope to make heaven my eternal home so that I can see Lily again.

Fears

I'm scared I won't get through this and be happy again.

I'm scared it will happen to me again.

I'm scared it will happen to someone else I care about.

I'm scared I will never have children again.

I'm scared I will never hold another little baby that is mine.

I'm scared that something will happen to Joe or Luke.

I'm scared that Lily's memory will be forgotten.

I'm scared that it will not get easier, and that I will always be hurting.

I'm scared that I will be alone.

Thank You!

2007-11-03T11:35:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to post today to say thanks to everyone who has been reading my blog. Thanks for all your prayers and kind words of encouragement. I feel like I will continue to use this blog as a way to journal and express my thoughts and feelings as they come to me. It really have been a great release for me to write. I hope that nobody grows weary of my posts. Well I am glad it is the weekend and Joe is home. I really look forward to the weekend so we can all spend time together. Hope everyone else has a great weekend. Love to all, and thanks again.

Remembering You!!!

2007-11-01T07:43:00.002-06:00

Lily,

It is morning. Daddy is off to work and your big brother is still asleep. I am thinking about you, and missing you. The house is quite and I can't helping thinking about what it would be like if you were here. I remember those early morning getting up with Luke. I would bring him into bed with me and we would both fall back to sleep. Those were some of my favorite times with him. Was looking forward to that with you. I still can't believe you are gone. I miss you so much. You are my perfect little angel and I know you are being taken care of. You would have been almost two months old now, and I wish I could have seen your little smile. Luke talks about you and prays for you every night. Wish he could have gotten to know you, and so do I. He would have been a good big brother. Please watch over him and protect him when I am not able. You have made such an impact on my life. I never knew I could feel this way, although my heart aches for you, I have such a great love for you. You are so special to me. I will never forget you and can't wait to see you again someday. I love you my little Lily.

Mommy

Halloween

2007-11-01T07:43:00.001-06:00

~Happy Haloween~

Hope everyone had a nice day yesterday. Our day went pretty well. The weather was warm and sunny, so that was nice.

Here are the pumkins we carved, one happy face and the other a cat face.
Luke and his cousin Autumn trick-or-treating at the downtown businesses.

Luke's Expressions

2007-10-29T19:52:00.001-06:00

Luke, happy face.
Luke, mad face.

Luke, very mad face.

So, Luke was wanting me to take some pictures of him the other day making different faces. He has some pretty good ones. First we did happy faces. Then he wanted to do mad faces. That was a little harder. He was wanting to be mad, but it was also funny at the same time. He would make his face and by the time I clicked the camera he would be smiling. I told Luke, "Quit smiling." Then he said "But my mouth wants me to smile." It was really funny and actually got a good laugh out of me. We finally caught a few mad faces.

Family

2007-10-29T19:52:00.000-06:00

I can't explain how my life has changed in the last two months. Sometimes you think that you have everything figured out in life. You have a plan of what you think your life will be like and what you want out of life. Then things come along in life that are unexpected and totally change the course you had planned. It really makes you wonder what your life and future have to hold. You wonder if you will really have the life that you thought you would or do the things that you had planned.

When Joe and I got married we both knew that we wanted to have children. We weren't really sure how many, but thought that three was a good number. When we had Luke it was such a blessing, and then when we got pregnant with Lily it seemed that life was taking it's course how we thought it would. Losing Lily has really made me re-value things.

It is so strange how losing her has given me such a great sence of family, and how beautiful of a thing it is. I find myself just wanting to have a big family now. Not that 3 kids isn't a big family, like we had wanted in the beginning. But I really find myself wanting that. I want Luke to have brothers and sisters. I want our house to be filled with laughter and crying that comes from having children. I can't even explain the desire that I have for this in my life.

Since losing Lily, it makes me want this so much more. But I question if I will ever have that. Sometimes it really feels impossible. I know that it's not my wants and needs that is always best for me. I really want to seek the Lord in this and know that it's his will for us to have more children. And if it is not, then I want to be content with what I have.

People always tell you "oh, you will have more kids" Sometimes that is hard to hear. Partly because I just wanted Lily. Then also because I don't really know for sure if the Lord will bless me with more children. I feel like there are no guarantees in life. Will I ever hold in my arms another baby that is the product of Joe and I and the love that we have for each other. People would tell me when I was pregnant with Lily that everything would be alright concerning the pregnancy and the delivery and I truly felt that way too. But then seeing that it wasn't and that she is gone. I see that not everything happens the way you think it will. So when I think about having more children I really don't know if that is in my future or not. As much as I want it to be there is no guarantee.

I want to be content with what the Lord has given me up to this point in time and if he decides to bless me in the future with what ever blessing he sees fit, I will be truly thankful.

Not really sure if this post makes any sence to anyone, but it does to me and how I have been feeling lately.

Looking Back

2007-10-25T19:13:00.000-06:00

So I really want to get back to blogging on a regular basis. I went back the other day and read almost all my post that I have wrote from the beginning. It brought back so many good memories. I can't believe all that you forget.

It made me so glad that I started this blog in the first place. At first I just thought it would be fun to write a few things and read other. After going through and reading everything I remembered about all the thing I had wrote about Luke. The way he used to act, the way he used to talk and say cute little things when he first started talking. It almost felt like going back in time and hearing him say it all over again. It was so neat. So I guess what I am getting at is I need to keep up with it so I can look back again to where I am at right now and remember things.

I feel kinda bad because life has been so crazy and emotional lately. Although it has truly made me so grateful for what I have I have not been emotionally available for Luke. I mean we still spend time together, but my mind and my thoughts seem to always be about Lily. He see me cry and say "Mom don't cry anymore, I don't want you to be sad." It breaks my heart.

Looking back it seems all my time, energy, and focus was on him. Everything was about him and what little thing he did or said and how sweet it was. Since I got pregnant the dynamic changed, attention shifted a little. Which I am pretty sure is normal, cause we were preparing for a new life to come into our family. But now that it is just the three of us still, I need to shift my attention back onto him and what he needs, and spending quality time with him. I am not saying that I have been abandoning him or anything. It just seem like there has been so much going on that he is the first one to fall through the cracks. I know that this is not good. He is such a sweet boy and I am very thankful for him. When we sit down and have a little conversation I am so amazed at the things he says and the expressions on his little face. He is growing up so fast.

So I want to start logging down our life again and remember and take time to think about all the little things in life that make each day bright.

As days and weeks go by....

2007-10-19T10:54:00.000-06:00

Chest we got to put all her special things in. Pretty much anything that has to do with her is in here. Letters, cards, flower, her blanket, ect.
Here is her poem that Jewely wrote and her hand prints and foot prints displayed.
Her very special pictures
Her special corner in our room, this is where her bassinet would have gone so it seemed fitting to make a little corner in memory of her. I love to look at these things and remember her. It give me such peace.
Here is a picture I made. I took flower that people had given us and pressed them and then put them in this frame. It turned out so good and I am so glad I will have these flowers preserved forever.

As the weeks go by I feel like I am starting to heal a little. It seems like this week I have had more good days than bad. Which has been really nice.

But this morning I kinda woke up with a heavy heart. I don't usually let myself think to much about what it would be like if Lily was here, and what I would be doing with her and Luke. It only makes me very sad to think about this, so I try to avoid it. But today it seems I woke up thinking about it. I was so excited to become a mother of two. I was so excited for our family to grow. I was looking forward to being more relaxed with this one and enjoying it. Cause you know with the first one it is always a little more stressful and scary as a first time mom and feeling like you don't know what you are doing. I couldn't wait to watch Joe become a dad again. Just days before we had Lily he was playing with his little nephew Miles. He looked so happy and excited and I couldn't wait to see him that way again with our little baby. I was looking forward to watching Luke become a big brother and love and kiss on his little sister. If any knows Luke he loves to give lots of hugs and kisses. I know he would have been a great big brother. I am sure it would not be all fun and games and having two kids is a lot of work. But I was ready for that.

It is so hard when you feel empty. It is so strange because I have been through two whole pregnancies and two whole deliveries, yet I still only have one child. Although I am so thankful for him. He definitely give me so much joy. He has brought me so much comfort through just a hug when I am feeling so low.

It is also hard as the weeks go and and life moves on for everyone around you. But the pain and loss is still so real and fresh in my mind and heart. I know being the mother that my grieving will last for a long time and I only hope that the people around me will be patient with me and allow me to grieve and take my time to heal. I know that life goes on, but it is hard when you feel like you are moving on without someone, and letting go of her. While yet keeping her memory alive.

I know that over the next few months there are going to be lots of hard first to get through. I know Halloween it not a very big deal, but of course my mind wonders to what it would be like and what cute little costume she would be wearing. Then there is Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am not looking forward to these. We found out we were pregnant with Lily Christmas day. I know they are going to be very hard days for me. Thinking how different life was a year ago. We were so happy and excited. I never thought a year later this is where I would be. I hope that after the new year 2008 starts I can start to feel renewed and have a fresh start.

I know that the Lord cares about us, and he will bless us. If it is his will I hope that he will bless us with more children. But nothing will ever replay my special angel. She will always be so special to me. I will never forget her, and I will continue to think of her everyday for the rest of my life. I don't want her life to be forgotten. She was so real to me. I know she was stillborn and never took a breath, but she was STILL born. She was perfect in every way.

Lily Ann

2007-09-26T11:08:00.000-06:00

Lily Ann, our little angel was called home to Heaven Sept. 5th 2007. Born still on this earth, Born alive in Heaven.

Lily's Lullaby

She will never see sadness,

Nor feel any pain.

She'll never feel heartache,

Nor ever see rain.

Spared from Satan's torment,

God took her to hold.

Guaranteed her home in Heaven,

With her cradle by the throne.

Now she rocks with Jesus,

In his arms she sleeps.

He sings his Lily's lullaby,

Where she's promised eternal peace.

God will teach her to walk,

Upon those golden streets.

When he smiles he will say,

Heavens closer to complete.

Jewely Stephens

9-7-07

It has taken me some time to get up the courage to write this blog. But I find that it really helps me to write things and to talk about it. My heart is ever sorrowful. I miss my little girl so much. God has really been merciful and has given me peace when I think that I can not bare the pain any more. It is 3 weeks today that she was born and died. I replay that day over and over and wish it could have been different. Our family feels so incomplete now and I feel as if part of me has died. I am so thankful for the family that the Lord has granted unto me. I don't know the reason why he chose to call her home, but it gives me great peace to know that she is safe at home with the father. I would have liked for her to stay here with me and watch her grow, but the father knows whats best. Please pray for our family as the days and weeks go by.

36 Weeks

2007-08-06T09:27:00.001-06:00

Well if I don't have time to post, the least I could do is put up a few pictures. So here are some pictures of Luke, Me and the belly at 34 1/2 weeks. I am 36 weeks now, can't wait to meet the new baby.

Happy Mothers Day!!!!

2007-05-13T09:27:00.000-06:00

Happy Mother's Day to everyone!!! Hope the loved ones in your life make it a special day for you!!!!

Are You Lion?

2007-04-20T09:57:00.001-06:00

Here is a conversation Luke and I had yesterday. Thought it was cute and funny. Had to share it.

I was taking Luke potty, and he is very stubborn about going poo poo. He always says he doesn't have to go. So I was trying to figure out if he needed to or not.

Me: Luke, do you need to go poo poo?

Luke: No

Me: Are you sure? Are you lying?

Luke: No I not Lion, I not an animal!

Half way there!!!!

2007-04-20T09:57:00.000-06:00

Well, I am finally on here posting again....hehe. All three of us have had colds this week. Yuck. We are just now getting over them. Which is nice for the weekend.

So I will be 21 weeks tomorrow. I can't believe I am over half way there. It really has been going by fast. I guess cause my mind is on more then just being pregnant, like taking care of a three year old. The days seem to fly by. I have been feeling really good, besides having my cold this past week. I have been feeling the baby move now for about 5 week. I am really really enjoying that. It is my favorite part of being pregnant.

We are already busy planning and preparing for this baby. It is really not to far off and I don't want to be caught off guard at the end with a million things to do. We are actually having to buy more stuff for this baby then we did for Luke. Most all of Luke's stuff was hand me downs from Joe's little brother. They are only 4 years apart, so we used his old crib, changing table, Infant carseat, stroller, play pen and other stuff. Well Joe's mom sold the crib and changing table at a yard sale last year and the carseat were to old to use now and the play pen broke. So we are looking to buy a crib and a new infant carseat/stroller.

We live in a 2 bedroom 1 bath tri-plex. It is actually quite roomy, but we are still trying to figure out where to put all the baby stuff and make room for the new baby. We have been rearranging closets and getting rid of some furniture. It is coming together. We are getting excited for the new baby and so curious to see if Luke will have a brother or a sister!!!!

Home Again!!!

2007-03-23T10:56:00.000-06:00

Well we are all home safe and sound!!! We have been home for a week now and things are getting back to normal around the house. We had a great trip. It was so great to see everyone and to meet the new baby. God really had a lot of mercy on Janiece and they are so thankful for their new blessing. Here are just a few pictures:

Miles Landon

March 3, 2007

9 lbs 4 oz

20 1/2 in.

Just minutes after he was born.
One day old

10 days old

The new happy family!!!

Our Little Family

Snow Day!!

Fall 2010

9 Years!!!

It's A Jungle In Here!

Happy 2nd Birthday Drew!!!

This morning...

3rd Birthday

3 years ago tonight...

1st born in 1st grade

Picnic at the Lake

Swim Lessons

One Year

4th of July 2010

Spring time

BedSiDe

Silly Boys

Shabby Chic

An afternoon at the park

Luke 6th B-day

Merry Christmas

Favorite Photo Friday

Favorite Photo Friday

First Snow

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Tales from the pantry..

Fall Family Pictures

Pumpkin Patch

Getting settled in...

Fun Birthday Picture

Happy 1st Birthday Drew!!!

Remembering my Angel on her 2nd Birthday

Under Contract!!!

First Day of Kindergarten!!

Showing off my pearly whites!!!

Checking out the new senery!!!

Pictures of a lot of "Firsts"

Big Changes....

Hanging at the pool

10 months old

He crawls....

Luke's swimming lessons

Just a boy thing????

Great yard sale find....

Luke's Soccer Season

8 months old

Happy *Late* Mothers Day!!

Swine Flu.....

Drew 6 months old

First bath together....

His Sweet Smile...

Updated my blog!!!

Daddy with the boys

The past 5 months with Drew

Drew 4 months old!!

Luke's 5th Birthday!!!

Christmas 2008

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas!!!!

Growing too fast...

An Early Merry Christmas!!!

2 Months

Halloween 2008

Pumpkin Patch

Hokie Pokie

7 years!!!

Pics of Drew & Lily's headstone

Drew Alan

Last post till baby.....probably.

My New CAR!!!!!, Company, Quilt, More Company, And Prego Pic

Things I've been wanting to post about...

Sis. Vickie

Easter, Company, and more....

~6 Months~

Posting again.....

Christmas 2007

Luke's 4th Birthday

Lately...

3 Months Today

Lily Ornament

The Broken Chain

Happy Late Mothers Day!!