As days and weeks go by....

Chest we got to put all her special things in. Pretty much anything that has to do with her is in here. Letters, cards, flower, her blanket, ect.
Here is her poem that Jewely wrote and her hand prints and foot prints displayed.
Her very special pictures
Her special corner in our room, this is where her bassinet would have gone so it seemed fitting to make a little corner in memory of her. I love to look at these things and remember her. It give me such peace.
Here is a picture I made. I took flower that people had given us and pressed them and then put them in this frame. It turned out so good and I am so glad I will have these flowers preserved forever.

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As the weeks go by I feel like I am starting to heal a little. It seems like this week I have had more good days than bad. Which has been really nice.

But this morning I kinda woke up with a heavy heart. I don't usually let myself think to much about what it would be like if Lily was here, and what I would be doing with her and Luke. It only makes me very sad to think about this, so I try to avoid it. But today it seems I woke up thinking about it. I was so excited to become a mother of two. I was so excited for our family to grow. I was looking forward to being more relaxed with this one and enjoying it. Cause you know with the first one it is always a little more stressful and scary as a first time mom and feeling like you don't know what you are doing. I couldn't wait to watch Joe become a dad again. Just days before we had Lily he was playing with his little nephew Miles. He looked so happy and excited and I couldn't wait to see him that way again with our little baby. I was looking forward to watching Luke become a big brother and love and kiss on his little sister. If any knows Luke he loves to give lots of hugs and kisses. I know he would have been a great big brother. I am sure it would not be all fun and games and having two kids is a lot of work. But I was ready for that.



It is so hard when you feel empty. It is so strange because I have been through two whole pregnancies and two whole deliveries, yet I still only have one child. Although I am so thankful for him. He definitely give me so much joy. He has brought me so much comfort through just a hug when I am feeling so low.



It is also hard as the weeks go and and life moves on for everyone around you. But the pain and loss is still so real and fresh in my mind and heart. I know being the mother that my grieving will last for a long time and I only hope that the people around me will be patient with me and allow me to grieve and take my time to heal. I know that life goes on, but it is hard when you feel like you are moving on without someone, and letting go of her. While yet keeping her memory alive.



I know that over the next few months there are going to be lots of hard first to get through. I know Halloween it not a very big deal, but of course my mind wonders to what it would be like and what cute little costume she would be wearing. Then there is Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am not looking forward to these. We found out we were pregnant with Lily Christmas day. I know they are going to be very hard days for me. Thinking how different life was a year ago. We were so happy and excited. I never thought a year later this is where I would be. I hope that after the new year 2008 starts I can start to feel renewed and have a fresh start.



I know that the Lord cares about us, and he will bless us. If it is his will I hope that he will bless us with more children. But nothing will ever replay my special angel. She will always be so special to me. I will never forget her, and I will continue to think of her everyday for the rest of my life. I don't want her life to be forgotten. She was so real to me. I know she was stillborn and never took a breath, but she was STILL born. She was perfect in every way.