So I really want to get back to blogging on a regular basis. I went back the other day and read almost all my post that I have wrote from the beginning. It brought back so many good memories. I can't believe all that you forget.
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It made me so glad that I started this blog in the first place. At first I just thought it would be fun to write a few things and read other. After going through and reading everything I remembered about all the thing I had wrote about Luke. The way he used to act, the way he used to talk and say cute little things when he first started talking. It almost felt like going back in time and hearing him say it all over again. It was so neat. So I guess what I am getting at is I need to keep up with it so I can look back again to where I am at right now and remember things.
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I feel kinda bad because life has been so crazy and emotional lately. Although it has truly made me so grateful for what I have I have not been emotionally available for Luke. I mean we still spend time together, but my mind and my thoughts seem to always be about Lily. He see me cry and say "Mom don't cry anymore, I don't want you to be sad." It breaks my heart.
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Looking back it seems all my time, energy, and focus was on him. Everything was about him and what little thing he did or said and how sweet it was. Since I got pregnant the dynamic changed, attention shifted a little. Which I am pretty sure is normal, cause we were preparing for a new life to come into our family. But now that it is just the three of us still, I need to shift my attention back onto him and what he needs, and spending quality time with him. I am not saying that I have been abandoning him or anything. It just seem like there has been so much going on that he is the first one to fall through the cracks. I know that this is not good. He is such a sweet boy and I am very thankful for him. When we sit down and have a little conversation I am so amazed at the things he says and the expressions on his little face. He is growing up so fast.
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So I want to start logging down our life again and remember and take time to think about all the little things in life that make each day bright.
11 comments:
Looking forward to it!
So glad you are going to restart, we'll all enjoy it. It is natural to be self absorbed somewhat, part of the mourning, paying more attention to Luke will help, good for you for being aware of the need.
SO glad to hear your doing better! :) Keep your chin up.
We are doing good, thanks for your comment over on my blog!
Hi thanks for the comment on my blog. It sounds like you are doing some better. I think looking back at our previous posts is a good way to remind us of where we where and where we're going.
I know exactly what you mean about fogetting what happened a while back. Kids change SO fast and we are with them every day so we don't realize it. Luke is a SWEET boy! It is hard to keep all your attention (to the kids) equally. I struggle with that all the time with my kids. I am so glad that we are close friends, and since we don't get to see each other :( it will be nice to see and read about your days/weeks, etc.
I feel the same way about my blog. Can't wait to hear about all the new things Luke says and does.
Hey Beth,
So glad to see that you are blogging again! Your last two posts have been so heartfelt that my heart breaks for you! I only wish I had the magic words to say to help you heal. However, it sounds like you are starting to feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that is a wonderful start. Grieving is a process and everybody needs to do it in their own way and in their own time...Hope your weeks continue to be more good days then bad and yet the memory of your sweet Lily always be with you. My prayers are with you daily!
Love you,
Mary
I think that is a great idea! It is hard to start over or to start again, however you want to word that. I am so glad that you have Luke to make you smile. You are a good mommy, and this time will be amazing to look back at through your blog. Lots of love!
I was glad to read this blog. It will be nice to hear about your life. It really seems like you are having a good perspective about things. I still pray for you often.
It was good to hear from you, Beth.Luke is a sweetie!I hope you continue to gain strength day by day. love ya!
It will be good to have you back. I have missed hearing about Luke. You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
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