Hopes & Fears

So my mom and her husband have been here all week and just left today. It was so nice to have my mom here. I wish we where closer and could spend more time together. Luke really likes her being here too. We really got spoiled when she came out before I had Lily, cause she was here for a month. She is now heading to Arizona for the winter to take care of my Grandpa. We are planning on trying to make it out there for Thanksgiving. It is only a 12 hour drive, which may seem like a lot, but is a lot closer than the 20 hour drive to Washington. So Lord-willing we will make it out there. It was hard to say good-bye today. I really enjoyed our time together just hanging out and talking as much as we wanted. It was really nice.

Grandma and Luke
Eating at subway before they left. (Luke was trying to make his mad face here :-)

Saying good-bye. Luke was not very excited about that. Poor little guy.

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So since Lily's passing my mind never stops. Sometimes it is soo overwhelming. I think about the past and what has happen, I think about the present and how I am going to get through this, I think about the future and when it will start to get easier and what my life will be like then.

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My Hopes & Fears

Hopes (and goals)

I hope I will grow as a person and become stronger from this.

I hope that my faith will be increase and will draw me closer to the Lord.

I hope I can get through it.

I hope it will make me a better mother.

I hope it will make me a better wife.

I hope I will be able to help other people if someone else ever has to go through this.

I hope I will not take this life for granted.

I hope that I will not get upset over the small things in life.

I hope that if I have children again, I will cherish every moment with them.

I hope I have more children.

I hope I can be a good example to those I am around.

I hope that I can find happiness and peace again.

I hope to make heaven my eternal home so that I can see Lily again.

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Fears

I'm scared I won't get through this and be happy again.

I'm scared it will happen to me again.

I'm scared it will happen to someone else I care about.

I'm scared I will never have children again.

I'm scared I will never hold another little baby that is mine.

I'm scared that something will happen to Joe or Luke.

I'm scared that Lily's memory will be forgotten.

I'm scared that it will not get easier, and that I will always be hurting.

I'm scared that I will be alone.