Our Christmas tree
Luke helping decorate...
This was the first year he really got into it and wanted to help. 
He thought it was pretty fun. 
One of the angel ornaments we bought for Lily...it says"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy."
The other angel ornament with the year on it...we are also getting a personalized one with her name and b-day on it.~
So I woke up with a sore throat this morning...yuck. Am feeling very tired and lazy today. Hope it won't last too long, and hope that Joe and Luke don't get it. It has been really cold here lately. A week ago today it was almost 75 degrees and today it is like 40. We got our first real snow the day after thanksgiving. We got like 2-3 inches and it has slowly been melting, but there is still some on the ground.
Our thanksgiving was pretty good, as good as it gets I guess considering the circumstances. We went up to Joe's parents house. I was definitely missing Lily. Could totally picture what it would have been like if she was there. I pictured Joe sitting in the living room with his dad holding Lily and watching sports. Me in the kitchen helping with the dinner. Then we would all gather around the table to eat and I would probably just be holding Lily on my lap. Then as it seem like it always happens she would probably be hungry just as we sit down to eat, and I would go in the other room and nurse her :-) Which may seem like a pain as I remember sometimes with Luke, but now I think I just wish I could be doing that. Then I thought about how she would have been wearing some cute little outfit and we would be passing her around to everyone to hold and everyone would be like "awww she is just so cute" (what little baby isn't cute) Then I think about how she would be getting tired and I would probably be rocking her to sleep as we watched some football game and how she would just be asleep on my chest. The picture in my mind....warm house, good food, and lots of family. Which we still had all of that, but there was still this void in my heart. I thought of how we would be taking a family picture of all FOUR of us. It would probably be one that we would send out in Christmas cards. Instead we didn't take any pictures. I didn't even bring my camera. Is wasn't a totally miserable day. I enjoyed the people I was around, but my heart just ached for Lily to be there too. I only cried like once while we were there in the bathroom. I held it in all day and then when we got home I let it all out.
The weekend was pretty nice. It was nice to have Joe home for a few extra days. We did the usual stuff that we do every year. We set up our tree the day after thanksgiving and did a little Christmas shopping. Trying to keep things as normal as possible for Luke and for us too. We lite 4 candles one for the each of us as we set up the tree. Just wanted her to be included somehow. We also bought a few angle ornaments in memory of Lily and put them on the tree. They look really pretty.
It is weird how time and life just goes on. It is hard, but it is also a good thing. I have made it past another hard event...thanksgiving. I know there are many more to come and it is just nice to put them behind me and move on the the next one, hoping that each one will get a little easier.
So I woke up with a sore throat this morning...yuck. Am feeling very tired and lazy today. Hope it won't last too long, and hope that Joe and Luke don't get it. It has been really cold here lately. A week ago today it was almost 75 degrees and today it is like 40. We got our first real snow the day after thanksgiving. We got like 2-3 inches and it has slowly been melting, but there is still some on the ground.
Our thanksgiving was pretty good, as good as it gets I guess considering the circumstances. We went up to Joe's parents house. I was definitely missing Lily. Could totally picture what it would have been like if she was there. I pictured Joe sitting in the living room with his dad holding Lily and watching sports. Me in the kitchen helping with the dinner. Then we would all gather around the table to eat and I would probably just be holding Lily on my lap. Then as it seem like it always happens she would probably be hungry just as we sit down to eat, and I would go in the other room and nurse her :-) Which may seem like a pain as I remember sometimes with Luke, but now I think I just wish I could be doing that. Then I thought about how she would have been wearing some cute little outfit and we would be passing her around to everyone to hold and everyone would be like "awww she is just so cute" (what little baby isn't cute) Then I think about how she would be getting tired and I would probably be rocking her to sleep as we watched some football game and how she would just be asleep on my chest. The picture in my mind....warm house, good food, and lots of family. Which we still had all of that, but there was still this void in my heart. I thought of how we would be taking a family picture of all FOUR of us. It would probably be one that we would send out in Christmas cards. Instead we didn't take any pictures. I didn't even bring my camera. Is wasn't a totally miserable day. I enjoyed the people I was around, but my heart just ached for Lily to be there too. I only cried like once while we were there in the bathroom. I held it in all day and then when we got home I let it all out.
The weekend was pretty nice. It was nice to have Joe home for a few extra days. We did the usual stuff that we do every year. We set up our tree the day after thanksgiving and did a little Christmas shopping. Trying to keep things as normal as possible for Luke and for us too. We lite 4 candles one for the each of us as we set up the tree. Just wanted her to be included somehow. We also bought a few angle ornaments in memory of Lily and put them on the tree. They look really pretty.
It is weird how time and life just goes on. It is hard, but it is also a good thing. I have made it past another hard event...thanksgiving. I know there are many more to come and it is just nice to put them behind me and move on the the next one, hoping that each one will get a little easier.
6 comments:
You're a doll...I think you're one amazing lady with how you are coping. Thank you for your example through all of this. Praying for you...
I was wondering, have you ever read the book by J. Vernon McGee about losing a child? It's only $2.50 from his site. I'd send it to you if I could. He went through it too...
Wow, that is weird, I woke up feeling EXACTLY like you today also. I have a sore throat and extremely tired. Your tree looked good as usual. We also did the whole tree decorating after Thanksgiving. I went shopping with my sister-in-law. I love the ornaments that you bought for Lily. She is and always will be a part of your beautiful family. Love ya! Hope you get to feelin' better :)
i think you are doing a great job. processing and thinking and crying and moving and giving it to the Lord. i pray the Lord is near you in each and every moment of every day and gives you comfort and lightness of heart and peace. blessings.
You are right; each holiday will be an emotional battle, Im sure! I love that you are trying to include Lily, Beth. The angels are a great idea, and so beautiful, just like her. I hope that you are able to have better and brigher days as you go. This is so tough! Lots of love!
I'm glad Luke had fun with you guys decorating the tree. The little angels are really cute. I can imagine that Thanksgiving would be hard. I'm glad you got through it without too many tears. Sorry you're sick. I've got the stuffy nose and sore throat too. It's not fun! I'll be praying for you guys throughout the Holidays.
I think you have the same tree as me! :) Did you get it at Target? I absolutely love ours, it is such a spacesaver.
Sorry to hear Thanksgiving was so hard. Still thinking of you all.
Post a Comment