3 Months Today

It is early morning here. Just saw Joe off to work and thought I would get on here for a little bit. I have really been dreading today. It is exactly three months since we lost Lily and even the same day of the week, Wednesday. Three months since I held her in my arms, since I looked at her little face, and held her little hand. I can't believe she would be three months old right now. Seems like it is such a milestone for babies and maybe that is why it is so upsetting for me. We got out some home video's of Luke the other day and watched his first 5 months of life. I really wanted to see what he looked like at 3 months and see all the things we was doing. It is hard to remember. Just wanted to know what kind of things Lily would be doing right now. When Luke was exactly 3 months old he rolled over for the very first time all on his own while I had him on video. It was so sweet, and I was sooo excited. I am sure Lily would be doing this already too, since she was so much bigger than him. I just can't even imagine it.

It kinda just feels like things are piling up on me this month. Lily would be three months old. I got pregnant in December, so soon I will be thinking "at this time last year I was pregnant." Then Christmas is coming. I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I know that it is a happy time for everyone else, but my heart still just feels so empty.

I sit here this day wanting to write down what I am feeling, but it is hard. I am filled with so many different emotions it is exhausting. I still can't believe that my little girl is gone. I am still going through all the stages that come with grief. Shock, numbness, anger, overwhelming sadness. Some days it is hard to deal with. Some days I am fill with hope for the future and I feel strength that we can get through this. Then other days I say to myself "I can't do this" But then I realize I have NO choice I have to deal with this.

I wish it was different as many times as I want. I can cry and cry as hard as I want. My heart can hurt and break in two, but it is not going to change anything. Sometimes it feels like it should change it, it should bring her back to me. I have not been crying as much lately. Which I know sounds like a good thing, but to me it is frustrating. I am not really hurting any less, but some days the tears just won't come even when I really want them too. I feel like I just really need a good cry, release some emotions. I don't know why it is so hard. Maybe it is because I have cried so much, or maybe because I know that when I am done crying I am still going to be faced with the same things of getting through each day without her.

Lily,
My special little one. I waited so long for you, not just nine months but a life time. I always wanted you, my little Lily. I miss you so much today. You would be getting so big and I wish I could look into your eyes and listen to you coo and feel that wonderful connection with you. I think of when you were still inside of me and all your little and big movements. I think of how content you where and how I loved to feel you move. It is the only memory of life I have of you. I remember you every day, your chubby little cheeks and your soft little hands. Your head full of fine hair and short little eyelashes. You are loved so deeply. I miss you my little angel.

Mommy


I wish there was more I could say, more I could do. But it all still leads to the same thing that I am missing my daughter. Going to go back and curl up in bed and maybe get a little more sleep before Luke wakes up.

Lily Ornament

Front
Back

The Broken Chain

Just found this poem and it is soooo fitting and perfect. Wanted to share it.

The Broken Chain

We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you. You did not go alone.
For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide.
And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

I can't wait till that day the chain will link again

Angel Wing

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to share this picture. I took it the other day out my front window. It think it looks like a big angel wing. Not really sure if you can see it very good in the picture. It was much neater in person.

Sick Today :-(

Our Christmas tree
Luke helping decorate...
This was the first year he really got into it and wanted to help.
He thought it was pretty fun.
One of the angel ornaments we bought for Lily...it says
"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy."

The other angel ornament with the year on it...we are also getting a personalized one with her name and b-day on it.

~

So I woke up with a sore throat this morning...yuck. Am feeling very tired and lazy today. Hope it won't last too long, and hope that Joe and Luke don't get it. It has been really cold here lately. A week ago today it was almost 75 degrees and today it is like 40. We got our first real snow the day after thanksgiving. We got like 2-3 inches and it has slowly been melting, but there is still some on the ground.





Our thanksgiving was pretty good, as good as it gets I guess considering the circumstances. We went up to Joe's parents house. I was definitely missing Lily. Could totally picture what it would have been like if she was there. I pictured Joe sitting in the living room with his dad holding Lily and watching sports. Me in the kitchen helping with the dinner. Then we would all gather around the table to eat and I would probably just be holding Lily on my lap. Then as it seem like it always happens she would probably be hungry just as we sit down to eat, and I would go in the other room and nurse her :-) Which may seem like a pain as I remember sometimes with Luke, but now I think I just wish I could be doing that. Then I thought about how she would have been wearing some cute little outfit and we would be passing her around to everyone to hold and everyone would be like "awww she is just so cute" (what little baby isn't cute) Then I think about how she would be getting tired and I would probably be rocking her to sleep as we watched some football game and how she would just be asleep on my chest. The picture in my mind....warm house, good food, and lots of family. Which we still had all of that, but there was still this void in my heart. I thought of how we would be taking a family picture of all FOUR of us. It would probably be one that we would send out in Christmas cards. Instead we didn't take any pictures. I didn't even bring my camera. Is wasn't a totally miserable day. I enjoyed the people I was around, but my heart just ached for Lily to be there too. I only cried like once while we were there in the bathroom. I held it in all day and then when we got home I let it all out.





The weekend was pretty nice. It was nice to have Joe home for a few extra days. We did the usual stuff that we do every year. We set up our tree the day after thanksgiving and did a little Christmas shopping. Trying to keep things as normal as possible for Luke and for us too. We lite 4 candles one for the each of us as we set up the tree. Just wanted her to be included somehow. We also bought a few angle ornaments in memory of Lily and put them on the tree. They look really pretty.





It is weird how time and life just goes on. It is hard, but it is also a good thing. I have made it past another hard event...thanksgiving. I know there are many more to come and it is just nice to put them behind me and move on the the next one, hoping that each one will get a little easier.

~Thanksgiving~

Hope everyone has a very nice thankgiving!!! Love to all,

Joe, Beth & Luke

~

I am having a hard time lately dealing with the fact that I never really got to know Lily, and that I never will. I know that I have heard it is probably easier to have a stillborn then to lose a baby that you had for a little while. And I don't really know, and I hope I never have to find out. My heart has just been really sad concerning the thought that I never got to see her as she would have been, and look into her eyes and hear her little heartbeat and hear her make little noises. It is hard to even believe that I was ever pregnant with her. Sometimes it just doesn't feel real. It is such an amazing process anyways. The process of pregnancy to this little person. I remember with Luke even after I had him I looked at him and couldn't believe he grew inside of me, from nothing into this perfect little baby. It is such a hard concept to understand. So it is even harder when you are left with nothing but a picture and trying to remember what it was like when she was still growing inside of me. Was it real? I know it was, but it is hard to comprehend. I can't even explain it. It just feel like she should be here. I see all these other mothers with there little babies and can't believe I almost had that. I was supposed to have a baby too. It sometimes just doesn't feel real still. Yet the pain in my heart is so so real.
~
It is like this: A kid getting a present for christmas. Long before christmas they start thinking about christmas and the presents they are going to get. It is so exciting. They know what they want and have been asking for it for awhile. Soon the present is under the tree. They look at it every day. They don't know exactly what it is, but know that it is something good. Something they have really wanted. The pick it up, feel how heavy it is. Shake it to try and figure out what it is. They think of the day they will get to open it and see it for the first time, and all the time they will spend playing with it. They tell there friends about it and the excitement builds. Then finally the day is here. They wake up christmas morning and get to open there present that have long waited to do. What is it? What is it? They open it and love it. It is exactly what they wanted. They get to open it, see it and even touch it. But then it is taken away from them. And they never get to see it or touch it again. It is gone forever. What a heartbreak. Everything you hoped and wished for you had, but only for a moment and then it was gone. It is just really hard to believe.
~
Was just thinking this tonight, and wanted to write it down. I miss Lily so so much. The only peace I have is knowing that she is in heaven and is at peace, but the pain of losing her is sometimes almost more than I think I can bare. Even though I know that it is not. God has given me strength and I hope and pray he continues too. I want to have a good mind. I know that we can get through this. The Lord has blessed me so much in life and has really given me peace in moments when I really needed, but the hurt in my heart is still there.

That morning...

So I woke up the morning of September the 5th 2007 to my water breaking. I was like ok this is it. I felt a rush of excitement in knowing I would meet my new baby today. I banged on the wall were my mom was sleeping in the next room. We both got up and started to get around to see how things were going to progress. I walk over to our front window and opened up the curtains. There was a beautiful little half rainbow in the sky. I showed it to my mom. I thought to myself this is going to be a beautiful day. I was so excited and ready for the labour ahead. I knew it would be all worth it to see and hold my little one for the first time and to even find out if it was a boy or my first little girl. I think back at how the day started and how the day ended. I never thought it would end that way. I thought it was going to be a great day and it ended up being the worst day of my life. But at the same times I can't say that seeing my little daughter Lily and holding her in my arms was the worst day of my life, but knowing that I would never hold her again or watch her grow up was the worst. So it was one of the best days of my life, while at the same time the worst.
-
I feel like I am trapped in time. I can't go back, but I can't move forward. I am suck in the moment, in the day that I lost her. The days keeping going by and I still wake up every morning remembering that she is gone and remembering that day. How did it go wrong? How did a day that started out so beautiful turn out so ugle. It makes me so sad to know that we never really got to know each other. We never got to look into each other eyes. We saw her, but she never saw us....never saw her mommy or daddy or big brother. It is hard to explain that you never got to know your own child. What would she have been like, I wish I could have seen life in her eyes and heard her. I wish I had some memories of her I could hold on to.
-
I look at her picture and say to myself "this is my daughter." And sometimes it doesn't feel real. It is so hard to comprehend. She was so beautiful and perfect. She had ten fingers and ten toes. Everything she needed to survive here on this earth, but she just didn't quite make it here. My heart continues to ache for her. I wonder how long it will last. How long will I be trapped in time trapped in my grief. When will I stop counting the days, weeks, months, and years of how old she would have been today.

Lazy Day

What kind of face is this?

~

So it is a little after 10:30 here, and we are all just getting around. It is kinda nice to sleep in sometimes and have a relaxing morning. Joe got up a litte before me, and I woke up to hearing him in the living room playing the guitar. It was very peaceful. So I got up, got some coffee and got on the computer to check out some blogs and other stuff. Then Luke got up and joined me at the computer. Joe has the day off today since it is Vetrans Day. It will be nice to have him home an extra day!!! Not really sure what our plan is for the day yet, probably just hang out and spent some time together. Hopefully it will be a nice day.

~

*Just a note: Tonight is my sis-in-law Jewely's baby shower. I am going to try to go to it. Please remember me that I can make it through it without getting to upset. I don't want to ruin her shower, and I want to show her that I am happy for her and support her. But I know it is going to be pretty hard for me.

Burdens Are Lifted Away.

So today has been a good day. Which has been a nice change. The last few days since my mom left have been really hard. I have spent late nights up thinking and crying and talking with Joe. Today has been a relief and gives me some peace of mind and hope. It seems like we have been dealing with so much lately with the loss of Lily. I have been stressed and grieving over more than just her death. And it has been really hard on me. So today it seems like God really had mercy on me and lifted that burned off my shoulder. Went to church today and everything that was talked on was what Joe and I talked about the night before and the things that I have been struggling with. I was amazed at the words that were being spoken and the comfort I was able to receive. So thankful that the Lord is aware of us and loves us so much to hear and anwser our prayers. I still missed Lily greatly today and cried when thinking about her not being with me today. But seeing how God delivered me out of this other burden and gave me peace in my heart concering it, I know he can do the same with my hurting heart for Lily.

Have been making some collages of some of my favorite pictures. The background of this picture is Lily's gravesite.
She was so beautiful and perfect.

Hopes & Fears

So my mom and her husband have been here all week and just left today. It was so nice to have my mom here. I wish we where closer and could spend more time together. Luke really likes her being here too. We really got spoiled when she came out before I had Lily, cause she was here for a month. She is now heading to Arizona for the winter to take care of my Grandpa. We are planning on trying to make it out there for Thanksgiving. It is only a 12 hour drive, which may seem like a lot, but is a lot closer than the 20 hour drive to Washington. So Lord-willing we will make it out there. It was hard to say good-bye today. I really enjoyed our time together just hanging out and talking as much as we wanted. It was really nice.

Grandma and Luke
Eating at subway before they left. (Luke was trying to make his mad face here :-)

Saying good-bye. Luke was not very excited about that. Poor little guy.

~

~

So since Lily's passing my mind never stops. Sometimes it is soo overwhelming. I think about the past and what has happen, I think about the present and how I am going to get through this, I think about the future and when it will start to get easier and what my life will be like then.

~

My Hopes & Fears

Hopes (and goals)

I hope I will grow as a person and become stronger from this.

I hope that my faith will be increase and will draw me closer to the Lord.

I hope I can get through it.

I hope it will make me a better mother.

I hope it will make me a better wife.

I hope I will be able to help other people if someone else ever has to go through this.

I hope I will not take this life for granted.

I hope that I will not get upset over the small things in life.

I hope that if I have children again, I will cherish every moment with them.

I hope I have more children.

I hope I can be a good example to those I am around.

I hope that I can find happiness and peace again.

I hope to make heaven my eternal home so that I can see Lily again.

~

Fears

I'm scared I won't get through this and be happy again.

I'm scared it will happen to me again.

I'm scared it will happen to someone else I care about.

I'm scared I will never have children again.

I'm scared I will never hold another little baby that is mine.

I'm scared that something will happen to Joe or Luke.

I'm scared that Lily's memory will be forgotten.

I'm scared that it will not get easier, and that I will always be hurting.

I'm scared that I will be alone.

Thank You!

Just wanted to post today to say thanks to everyone who has been reading my blog. Thanks for all your prayers and kind words of encouragement. I feel like I will continue to use this blog as a way to journal and express my thoughts and feelings as they come to me. It really have been a great release for me to write. I hope that nobody grows weary of my posts. Well I am glad it is the weekend and Joe is home. I really look forward to the weekend so we can all spend time together. Hope everyone else has a great weekend. Love to all, and thanks again.

Remembering You!!!

Lily,

It is morning. Daddy is off to work and your big brother is still asleep. I am thinking about you, and missing you. The house is quite and I can't helping thinking about what it would be like if you were here. I remember those early morning getting up with Luke. I would bring him into bed with me and we would both fall back to sleep. Those were some of my favorite times with him. Was looking forward to that with you. I still can't believe you are gone. I miss you so much. You are my perfect little angel and I know you are being taken care of. You would have been almost two months old now, and I wish I could have seen your little smile. Luke talks about you and prays for you every night. Wish he could have gotten to know you, and so do I. He would have been a good big brother. Please watch over him and protect him when I am not able. You have made such an impact on my life. I never knew I could feel this way, although my heart aches for you, I have such a great love for you. You are so special to me. I will never forget you and can't wait to see you again someday. I love you my little Lily.

Mommy

Halloween

~Happy Haloween~

Hope everyone had a nice day yesterday. Our day went pretty well. The weather was warm and sunny, so that was nice.

Here are the pumkins we carved, one happy face and the other a cat face.
Luke and his cousin Autumn trick-or-treating at the downtown businesses.

Luke's Expressions

Luke, happy face.
Luke, mad face.

Luke, very mad face.

So, Luke was wanting me to take some pictures of him the other day making different faces. He has some pretty good ones. First we did happy faces. Then he wanted to do mad faces. That was a little harder. He was wanting to be mad, but it was also funny at the same time. He would make his face and by the time I clicked the camera he would be smiling. I told Luke, "Quit smiling." Then he said "But my mouth wants me to smile." It was really funny and actually got a good laugh out of me. We finally caught a few mad faces.

Family

I can't explain how my life has changed in the last two months. Sometimes you think that you have everything figured out in life. You have a plan of what you think your life will be like and what you want out of life. Then things come along in life that are unexpected and totally change the course you had planned. It really makes you wonder what your life and future have to hold. You wonder if you will really have the life that you thought you would or do the things that you had planned.

~

When Joe and I got married we both knew that we wanted to have children. We weren't really sure how many, but thought that three was a good number. When we had Luke it was such a blessing, and then when we got pregnant with Lily it seemed that life was taking it's course how we thought it would. Losing Lily has really made me re-value things.

~

It is so strange how losing her has given me such a great sence of family, and how beautiful of a thing it is. I find myself just wanting to have a big family now. Not that 3 kids isn't a big family, like we had wanted in the beginning. But I really find myself wanting that. I want Luke to have brothers and sisters. I want our house to be filled with laughter and crying that comes from having children. I can't even explain the desire that I have for this in my life.

~

Since losing Lily, it makes me want this so much more. But I question if I will ever have that. Sometimes it really feels impossible. I know that it's not my wants and needs that is always best for me. I really want to seek the Lord in this and know that it's his will for us to have more children. And if it is not, then I want to be content with what I have.

~

People always tell you "oh, you will have more kids" Sometimes that is hard to hear. Partly because I just wanted Lily. Then also because I don't really know for sure if the Lord will bless me with more children. I feel like there are no guarantees in life. Will I ever hold in my arms another baby that is the product of Joe and I and the love that we have for each other. People would tell me when I was pregnant with Lily that everything would be alright concerning the pregnancy and the delivery and I truly felt that way too. But then seeing that it wasn't and that she is gone. I see that not everything happens the way you think it will. So when I think about having more children I really don't know if that is in my future or not. As much as I want it to be there is no guarantee.

~

I want to be content with what the Lord has given me up to this point in time and if he decides to bless me in the future with what ever blessing he sees fit, I will be truly thankful.

~

Not really sure if this post makes any sence to anyone, but it does to me and how I have been feeling lately.

Looking Back

So I really want to get back to blogging on a regular basis. I went back the other day and read almost all my post that I have wrote from the beginning. It brought back so many good memories. I can't believe all that you forget.

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It made me so glad that I started this blog in the first place. At first I just thought it would be fun to write a few things and read other. After going through and reading everything I remembered about all the thing I had wrote about Luke. The way he used to act, the way he used to talk and say cute little things when he first started talking. It almost felt like going back in time and hearing him say it all over again. It was so neat. So I guess what I am getting at is I need to keep up with it so I can look back again to where I am at right now and remember things.

.

I feel kinda bad because life has been so crazy and emotional lately. Although it has truly made me so grateful for what I have I have not been emotionally available for Luke. I mean we still spend time together, but my mind and my thoughts seem to always be about Lily. He see me cry and say "Mom don't cry anymore, I don't want you to be sad." It breaks my heart.

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Looking back it seems all my time, energy, and focus was on him. Everything was about him and what little thing he did or said and how sweet it was. Since I got pregnant the dynamic changed, attention shifted a little. Which I am pretty sure is normal, cause we were preparing for a new life to come into our family. But now that it is just the three of us still, I need to shift my attention back onto him and what he needs, and spending quality time with him. I am not saying that I have been abandoning him or anything. It just seem like there has been so much going on that he is the first one to fall through the cracks. I know that this is not good. He is such a sweet boy and I am very thankful for him. When we sit down and have a little conversation I am so amazed at the things he says and the expressions on his little face. He is growing up so fast.

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So I want to start logging down our life again and remember and take time to think about all the little things in life that make each day bright.

As days and weeks go by....

Chest we got to put all her special things in. Pretty much anything that has to do with her is in here. Letters, cards, flower, her blanket, ect.
Here is her poem that Jewely wrote and her hand prints and foot prints displayed.
Her very special pictures
Her special corner in our room, this is where her bassinet would have gone so it seemed fitting to make a little corner in memory of her. I love to look at these things and remember her. It give me such peace.
Here is a picture I made. I took flower that people had given us and pressed them and then put them in this frame. It turned out so good and I am so glad I will have these flowers preserved forever.

~

As the weeks go by I feel like I am starting to heal a little. It seems like this week I have had more good days than bad. Which has been really nice.

But this morning I kinda woke up with a heavy heart. I don't usually let myself think to much about what it would be like if Lily was here, and what I would be doing with her and Luke. It only makes me very sad to think about this, so I try to avoid it. But today it seems I woke up thinking about it. I was so excited to become a mother of two. I was so excited for our family to grow. I was looking forward to being more relaxed with this one and enjoying it. Cause you know with the first one it is always a little more stressful and scary as a first time mom and feeling like you don't know what you are doing. I couldn't wait to watch Joe become a dad again. Just days before we had Lily he was playing with his little nephew Miles. He looked so happy and excited and I couldn't wait to see him that way again with our little baby. I was looking forward to watching Luke become a big brother and love and kiss on his little sister. If any knows Luke he loves to give lots of hugs and kisses. I know he would have been a great big brother. I am sure it would not be all fun and games and having two kids is a lot of work. But I was ready for that.



It is so hard when you feel empty. It is so strange because I have been through two whole pregnancies and two whole deliveries, yet I still only have one child. Although I am so thankful for him. He definitely give me so much joy. He has brought me so much comfort through just a hug when I am feeling so low.



It is also hard as the weeks go and and life moves on for everyone around you. But the pain and loss is still so real and fresh in my mind and heart. I know being the mother that my grieving will last for a long time and I only hope that the people around me will be patient with me and allow me to grieve and take my time to heal. I know that life goes on, but it is hard when you feel like you are moving on without someone, and letting go of her. While yet keeping her memory alive.



I know that over the next few months there are going to be lots of hard first to get through. I know Halloween it not a very big deal, but of course my mind wonders to what it would be like and what cute little costume she would be wearing. Then there is Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am not looking forward to these. We found out we were pregnant with Lily Christmas day. I know they are going to be very hard days for me. Thinking how different life was a year ago. We were so happy and excited. I never thought a year later this is where I would be. I hope that after the new year 2008 starts I can start to feel renewed and have a fresh start.



I know that the Lord cares about us, and he will bless us. If it is his will I hope that he will bless us with more children. But nothing will ever replay my special angel. She will always be so special to me. I will never forget her, and I will continue to think of her everyday for the rest of my life. I don't want her life to be forgotten. She was so real to me. I know she was stillborn and never took a breath, but she was STILL born. She was perfect in every way.

Lily Ann

Lily Ann, our little angel was called home to Heaven Sept. 5th 2007. Born still on this earth, Born alive in Heaven.

Lily's Lullaby

She will never see sadness,

Nor feel any pain.

She'll never feel heartache,

Nor ever see rain.

Spared from Satan's torment,

God took her to hold.

Guaranteed her home in Heaven,

With her cradle by the throne.

Now she rocks with Jesus,

In his arms she sleeps.

He sings his Lily's lullaby,

Where she's promised eternal peace.

God will teach her to walk,

Upon those golden streets.

When he smiles he will say,

Heavens closer to complete.

Jewely Stephens

9-7-07

It has taken me some time to get up the courage to write this blog. But I find that it really helps me to write things and to talk about it. My heart is ever sorrowful. I miss my little girl so much. God has really been merciful and has given me peace when I think that I can not bare the pain any more. It is 3 weeks today that she was born and died. I replay that day over and over and wish it could have been different. Our family feels so incomplete now and I feel as if part of me has died. I am so thankful for the family that the Lord has granted unto me. I don't know the reason why he chose to call her home, but it gives me great peace to know that she is safe at home with the father. I would have liked for her to stay here with me and watch her grow, but the father knows whats best. Please pray for our family as the days and weeks go by.

36 Weeks

Well if I don't have time to post, the least I could do is put up a few pictures. So here are some pictures of Luke, Me and the belly at 34 1/2 weeks. I am 36 weeks now, can't wait to meet the new baby.

Happy Mothers Day!!!!

Happy Mother's Day to everyone!!! Hope the loved ones in your life make it a special day for you!!!!

Are You Lion?

Here is a conversation Luke and I had yesterday. Thought it was cute and funny. Had to share it.

I was taking Luke potty, and he is very stubborn about going poo poo. He always says he doesn't have to go. So I was trying to figure out if he needed to or not.

Me: Luke, do you need to go poo poo?

Luke: No

Me: Are you sure? Are you lying?

Luke: No I not Lion, I not an animal!

Half way there!!!!

Well, I am finally on here posting again....hehe. All three of us have had colds this week. Yuck. We are just now getting over them. Which is nice for the weekend.

So I will be 21 weeks tomorrow. I can't believe I am over half way there. It really has been going by fast. I guess cause my mind is on more then just being pregnant, like taking care of a three year old. The days seem to fly by. I have been feeling really good, besides having my cold this past week. I have been feeling the baby move now for about 5 week. I am really really enjoying that. It is my favorite part of being pregnant.

We are already busy planning and preparing for this baby. It is really not to far off and I don't want to be caught off guard at the end with a million things to do. We are actually having to buy more stuff for this baby then we did for Luke. Most all of Luke's stuff was hand me downs from Joe's little brother. They are only 4 years apart, so we used his old crib, changing table, Infant carseat, stroller, play pen and other stuff. Well Joe's mom sold the crib and changing table at a yard sale last year and the carseat were to old to use now and the play pen broke. So we are looking to buy a crib and a new infant carseat/stroller.

We live in a 2 bedroom 1 bath tri-plex. It is actually quite roomy, but we are still trying to figure out where to put all the baby stuff and make room for the new baby. We have been rearranging closets and getting rid of some furniture. It is coming together. We are getting excited for the new baby and so curious to see if Luke will have a brother or a sister!!!!

Home Again!!!

Well we are all home safe and sound!!! We have been home for a week now and things are getting back to normal around the house. We had a great trip. It was so great to see everyone and to meet the new baby. God really had a lot of mercy on Janiece and they are so thankful for their new blessing. Here are just a few pictures:

Miles Landon

March 3, 2007

9 lbs 4 oz

20 1/2 in.

Just minutes after he was born.
One day old

10 days old

The new happy family!!!

Travel-Eze

So my aunt sent me an email the other day telling me about this wrist bands that help people with nausea. I was definitely curious since I have had a lot of it. I started to do some research online and got some info about them.

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There are a couple different kind. One called Sea-bands and one called Travel-Eze. They are mostly made for people who are traveling and get motion sickness easily. Like in the car or flying or on a boat. But it did say it helped during pregnancy.

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They are these little cloth wrist band, that almost look like the ones people wear when they are playing sport. But they have this little plastic round thing on it that put pressure on the inside of you wrist. It is supposed to hit a pressure point and help nausea.

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Here is what consumer reports had to say about them:

Queasy travelers, pregnant women, and others suffering from nausea may find some relief from special acupressure wristbands (Sea-Band and Travel-Eze; about $10 a pair). Based on principles similar to acupuncture, the bands apply pressure to a point about three finger-widths above the crease of your inner wrist (called the “P6 point”) believed to mediate nausea and vomiting. Controlled studies in pregnant women have found that the bands can reduce the frequency and severity of morning sickness. Studies testing them for motion sickness and chemotherapy- or anesthesia-related nausea have also yielded some positive results.

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So last night after dinner I went out in search of these wrist bands. I checked Walmart, but couldn't find them. So then I checked Walgreens. They had the travel-eze ones. The guy that helped me said that they work pretty good and his wife wore them her whole pregnancy. So of course I wanted to try then and bought them.

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I put them on last night and slept with them on. They are not the most comfortable thing to wear and look a little funny. But I think they are helping. I have felt pretty good this morning. We will see as the day goes on. I tend to get sick a lot in the evening, so I hope it helps tonight.

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Has anyone else ever heard of these and used them? Just wondering. I am hoping they will help on my trip too!!!

Ok...So off we go!!!

So we have quite a busy week ahead of us. Thursday Luke and I are flying out to Washington State. My sister-in-law is due to have a baby at the end of the month and we are hoping to get there a little before she has the baby, and then spend a few weeks there after to help her out. I am really looking forward to the trip. Not only will we get to see the new baby, but I will get to see all my family and friends.

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Let me say though it has been so hard to get prepared for this trip, and I still have a million things to do. And this pregnancy sickness and fatigue is NOT helping.

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My first concern is the flight. I do not like flying. I am sure it will be fine, but I will just be glad when we get there. Luke had never been on a plane before so I am hoping he does good. He is very excited about it though. He has been talking about it for weeks. He know he is going to ride on a plane to go see grandpa. He actually thinks it is grandpa's plane. Everytime he hears a plane he says "hear grandpa's plane?" It is cute.

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There is a lot to think about when traveling with a young child. I am trying to figure out what to do with this whole carseat/booster thing. I know I will need it in WA, but just not sure if I should carry it on or check it in. I would like to have him sit on it during the flight, but not looking forward to hauling it all over the airport. I have enough to keep track of with a three year old running every where. I already know I need to carry on a bag with toys and coloring stuff to keep Luke busy. Plus I am going to have a bunch of snacks to keep my poor stomach satisfied at a moments notice. I guess we will see when we get to the airport. I don't want the booster to get trashed if I check it in too. If anyone has gone thru this situation let me know what worked best for you..thanks

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So back to what needs done before I leave. Of course is the normal packing. I have tons of laundry to get done before I go. More than usual. Since I have got this all day sickness my house has been a disaster. Piles of dishes and laundry every where. My husband has been great about helping me though. I am starting to feel better so things are looking up. Just playing catch up.

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So I am sure we will be ready to go on time, it is just hard to prepare for leaving for a month. Especially when I am leaving my husband behind. I need to make a trip to the grocery store so I can fill the freezer with food for him, so he won't eat out every meal. Need to pay all our bill before we leave so I won't have as much to keep track of while I am gone. At least I got our taxes done so I won't have to worry about that when I get home in the middle of March.

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So Thursday morning we leave. We have a 6 hour drive to the airport, then a couple hour flight to Spokane, Wa. And then a 3 hour drive from there to our destination. What a long day...yuck. Hope all goes well and that I feel good that day....pray for me. Not wanting to be sick in the car or on the plane.

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So I guess I will probably not be posting for awhile...which isn't really any different than it has been over the last few months...hehe. Hope to put some pics up of the new baby while we are out there. Talk to everyone later, and Trina and Mary see ya soon!

Baby on Board!!

Well, Luke is going to be a big brother!!! Joe and I are expecting our 2nd baby!!!! We found out the exciting new on Christmas day. I am now about 10 weeks along and am due Sept. 1st.

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At first the pregnancy didn't feel very real, even though I knew it was after taking three pregnancy test..hehe. Then the sixth week came around and it started to feel very real. The morning, noon and night sickness kicked in. It was bad for 3 weeks straight. I was pretty much useless. The last couple weeks have been better, so I am very thankful for that. I am hoping as I come to the end of my first trimester that the sickness will be gone...please please please. It caught me off guard to get so sick this time around. I never got this sick with Luke. But I guess no pregnancy is the same.

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So there are lots of new babies coming in our family within a years time. It is very exciting. Joe's brother had a little girl back in August. Joe's sister is having a baby the end of this month and then we will be in Sept. They are going to be close cousins. Each six months after the other. It is pretty neat.

Christmas & Luke's 3rd Birthday!!!